• 1. On Being News

    “I’m not news, I’m stupid.”

  • 2. On His Sex Drive

    “Blehhhh.”

  • 3. On Haters

    “You idiots!!!!”

  • 4. On His “Squishy” Attacker

    “When her breasts were hitting me on the forehead, she seemed squishy.”

  • 5. On AIDS

    “I didn’t get a chance to mack because AIDS came out in 82. All the women ran and hid.”

  • 6. On Nude Photos

    “I don’t care how much you wish it, how much you want it. It ain’t happening.” “Photo shop.”

  • 7. On Public Displays Of Affection

    “We’re not love showy people.”

  • 8. On Calling The Cops

    “All the time.”

  • 9. On Having Children

    “I promised her one, I just don’t know when that’s gonna happen. I know when I made that promise, I committed myself to a life of hell.”

  • 10. On White People

    “They’re rude, they’re obnoxious, they’re not fun to be around…”