Why The 4th Of July Is Great, As Told By America’s Greatest Pastime

Fuck yeah! Patriotism! And beer! Lots of beer!

1. OK, so the 4th of July snuck up on all of us this year.

2. Memorial Day Weekend feels like it was yesterday…

3. And you’re now wondering where half your summer has gone.

4. You haven’t even made it to the beach and only barbecued once!

5. But it’s going to be all right. I promise.

6. Because the 4th of July is a joyous occasion and a chance at redemption…

7. It’s time to grab a beer…

8. Reunite with your buds…

9. And maybe lay out and catch some cosmic rays.

10. Because it’s America’s birthday…

11. So be prepared to shower in sudsy patriotism and sunshine.

12. It’s a day where anything goes.

13. A day when you’re expected to leave it all on the field for our forefathers.

14. A day when you just say, “Ah, fuck it. Grab me whatever’s cold.”

15. So you never know what to expect…

16. It might get a little sloppy.

17. But it’s gonna be fun.

18. Maybe a little too much fun for some people.

19. So when you see someone walking like this…

20. Don’t judge.

21. Give them a hand.

22. For America.

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