September
1. The preseason doesn't matter, right?
2. Marv Levy never cared about the preseason why should I?
3. Those fights during camp will only build chemistry.
4. Plus, the offense is probably saving all their real plays for the regular season.
5. They'll step it up when the season starts.
6. Dear God, I pray they wake up when the season starts.
7. We have too much individual talent to suck this year.
8. I mean, our receiving corp is deep, our running backs are the best in the division, and our offensive line is improved.
9. Plus Sammy Watkins is a pass-catching GAWD.
10. That is if anyone in Western New York can get him the football…
11. Without getting him killed.
12. Ugh, EJ Manuel's checkdowns keep me up at night.
13. Maybe Sammy can throw the ball to himself?
14. At least we have the best defensive line in the NFL..
15. That is as long as Marcell Dareus can stop smoking synthetic weed and drag racing.
16. I can't wait to wear my Zubaz in public.
17. Man, they're so comfortable.
18. Sammy Wakins choosing the No. 14 gave my Fitz jersey a second life and saved me 100 bucks — love that guy.
19. Hey, only 13 of our games are at 1 p.m. this season!
20. I wonder if we'll have another Sunday Night game before I die?
21. The fucking Jaguars even get Sunday Night games!
22. At least the game against Chicago is in September, maybe Jay Cutler will still be hungover from Labor Day weekend.
23. If I crush enough Blue Light I'll convince myself you don't need a quarterback to win football games.
24. This team will go as far as E.J. takes us…
25. I wonder is the Patriots will just give us Ryan Mallett? It's not like they need him.
October
26. I don't wanna get my hopes up, but we look pretty promising.
27. There might be some meaningful games at the Ralph this winter.
28. This team is kind of exciting.
29. Why does everyone think we need a new stadium? We don't need a new stadium.
30. Fred Jackson has at least three more good years in him.
31. We really need to resign Spiller — when he's healthy he's one of the most electrifying RBs in the league.
32. I wonder if anyone sells a Chris Hogan jersey?
33. As long as we can get to nine wins before December I think we can win the Wild Card.
34. If we could control the clock we'd be winning the division right now.
35. Doug Marrone is like a more likeable Bill Belichick.
36. Fuck Bill Belichick.
37. Fuck the Patriots.
38. And fuck Bon Jovi.
39. I miss Ralph Wilson.
40. If he was my grandpa I sure as shit wouldn't sell the team.
41. I hope Jim Kelly is doing alright — I wonder if he could be a QB coach?
42. I'm gonna buy a Jim Kelly jersey.
43. If this team ever moves I'll never watch an NFL game ever again.
44. Remember when we beat the Patriots in 2011? That was fun.
45. I swear another three and out might make my eyes bleed.
46. E.J. Manuel may have usurped Trent Edwards as Captain Checkdown.
47. Remember when we traded up for T.J. Graham and drafted him in front of Russell Wilson and Nick Foles? That was fun.
48. Wow, Mondays suck.
November
50. The CBS graphic says we're still "In The Hunt" for a Wild Card spot.
51. Man, imagine if we made the playoffs?
52. I'd getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.
53. Fourteen years is so long…
54. Like SERIOUS prison sentence long.
55. Three out of our next four are at home… We could maybe do this.
56. I'm gonna change up my game day outfit. We're only 1-3 when I'm wearing this for away games.
57. Does it ever snow on game days anymore in Orchard Park?
58. When did the Jets get Chris Johnson?
59. Oh my god… Am I getting jealous of Geno Smith?
60. Fuck, I totally forgot we don't have a first round pick next season.
61. Jesus, how many games are we going to blackout this year?
62. I really hope Terry Pegula buys this team. I don't see why he would — but I hope he does.
63. Tom Brady has got to retire soon, right?
64. His cleft chin is so stupid looking.
65. I bet they drafted Jimmy Garoppolo because they didn't think Ryan Mallet was handsome enough to take over for Brady.
66. Well, mathematically we're still in this thing.
67. All we have to do is show Johnny Football what a REAL rust belt city is like and then beat the Broncos, Packers, and New England.
68. Why can't a 7-9 record get you in the playoffs?
December
69. Why can't anything good happen to me ever?
70. I can't remember the last time I smiled.
71. All I want for Christmas is a quarterback.
72. Maybe if I don't watch this game we'll play better.
73. Is there anything else on TV other than football on Sundays?
74. I kinda miss Ryan Fitzpatrick. Sure, he was eratic and threw a lot of interceptions, but at least he was exciting.
75. I wonder what J.P. Losman is up to?
76. Andre Reed looks like he could still play.
77. What if we take all the Hall of Famers from the Super Bowl run and make them coaches? That could totally work.
78. Oh look — the Patriots won the division again.
79. I still feel like we're only one piece away.
80. Is this ever going to end?
81. No, seriously. This isn't funny. I'm not joking. Is this ever going to fucking end?!
82. Ugh, well, at least there's beer.
83. [one single tear falls from face]
January
84. The Sabres look alright this year.