The Ultimate Ode To Turtlenecks

Screw sweater season. It’s turtleneck time, bitches.

1. It’s that time of the year again…

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2. When the brisk winter air starts giving you the shivers…

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3. So you reach for your favorite turtleneck…

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5. Because it makes you smile…

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6. …feel tough…

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7. …nostalgic…

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8. And, I don’t know how to put this, but kinda like a big deal.

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9. But be careful. Even though turtlenecks are warm…

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10. Sometimes it’s simply hard not to look like an asshole.

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11. Bieber couldn’t pull it off…

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12. Neither could James McAvoy…

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13. Or that girl from “Revenge.”

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14. Even young Jake Gyllenhaal looked a little awkward.

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15. You need to choose wisely.

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16. Don’t force it!

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17. Always ask yourself: What would Michael Fassbender do?

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18. Or any fashion icon who rocked the turtleneck?

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19. Audrey Hepburn made it timeless.

20. Hemingway made it look badass.

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21. Marilyn made it sexy.

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22. Steve Jobs made it his trademark.

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23. Keaton made it quirky.

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24. And Jack brought it to the golf course.

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26. The right turtleneck can make you a bad mother, shut your mouth…

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27. The wrong one can make you look like this:

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28. But don’t forget, turtlenecks can also be fun!

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29. You can wear them to holiday parties.

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30. In music videos!

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31. To the ballpark!

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32. Even on album covers!

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33. Because they’re so damn versatile…

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34. …provocative…

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35. …rugged…

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36. And adorable!

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37. It even makes these ferrets look fly as hell.

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38. Turtlenecks will never give up on your warmth

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39. Playing the bongos on a cold day? Your turtleneck will be there.

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40. Visiting Stonehenge in February? Your neck is protected.

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41. Don’t let society make you think you look like a soccer mom…

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42. Or a part of The Situation’s family portrait.

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43. Start the revolution…

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44. Be a visionary…

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45. Wear your turtleneck with pride!

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46. Just don’t wear this one…

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