1.
You started caddying when the bags were taller than you.
2.
You truly believe waiting for a loop is worse than purgatory.
3.
This is your worst enemy.
4.
You know the importance of a full boat.
5.
And that putters are a waste of your time.
6.
You laugh when other people complain about their weak-ass farmer's tan.
8.
And you've memorized every word.
9.
This is your patron saint.
10.
You didn't have a checking account because you dealt straight cash, homie.
11.
And your cash flow closely resembled that of a low-level drug dealer.
12.
In fact you probably caddied with a few of those too...
13.
And they were really nice dudes.
14.
You know the caddie master decides your entire fate.
15.
You know Tuesday morning is women's day.
16.
You know members will never recall your name.
17.
You've been berated for your shadow distracting someone's putt.
18.
You know missed putts will be blamed on your "shitty reads."
19.
You've seen a million thrown clubs.
20.
You've been hit by a ball and milked the injury for an extra tip.
21.
You've chain-smoked disgusting cigarettes at 6 a.m. out of boredom.
22.
You know you're never allowed in the clubhouse.
23.
You got to go to the pool once a year...
24.
And you acted like this.
25.
This is your idea of role play.
26.
You've had to deal with members who got too drunk to stand...
27.
Or too stoned off their one-hitter to focus.
28.
Golfers have trusted you with some unbelievable secrets.
29.
You still have your caddie bib and break it out for special occasions.
30.
You consider yourself an expert at pub golf.
31.
And as much as you complained about it...
32.
You took pride in your job.
33.
Because sometimes people actually treated you like a real human being.
34.
And every once in a while when you're stuck in here...
35.
You remember that were paid over $40 bucks an hour...
