1. Because you’ll get your face eaten off by a little dog.
2. Or get your first concussion before middle school.
3. Because the mall floor is not a soft landing spot.
4. AND CARTWHEELS AIN’T EASY.
5. Because kids’ chairs have a mean streak.
6. And icy sidewalks don’t fuck around.
7. Because homemade bike ramps are rarely a good idea.
8. Because your dog might get the wrong idea.
9. Or you might get blinded by a freakin’ marshmallow gun.
10. BECAUSE CHAIRS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING.
11. And tearing your groin isn’t a good look.
12. Because falling on your face hurts.
13. And you don’t wanna lose your security deposit.
14. Because sometimes water balloons don’t pop.
15. And sometimes chairs don’t move.
16. Because you can never trust your older sister.
17. And wearing a helmet won’t always save you.
18. Because people get PISSED when you scare them into a pool.
19. Because an ottoman isn’t the best spot to practice your cheerleading moves.
20. And beer pong glory doesn’t last forever.
21. And most importantly — YOU CAN NEVER TRUST SOMEONE TAKING A VINE.
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