1. These ads for Stetson cologne.
2. His weird affinity for velvet jackets.
3. Just look at him dance!
4. Because he STILL can’t get over slipping to the sixth round.
Dude, you’ve won three Super Bowls! Stop crying about the stupid draft! I’m pretty sure it worked out for you.
5. When he looked like this…
Former 49ers coach Steve Mariucci called him “gangly” and said he “looked like he had never seen a weight room.”
6. And ran like this…
This might be the clumsiest shuttle run I’ve ever seen.
7. This is his wife…
8. Her name is Gisele. You might have heard of her.
9. She makes even more money than him.
Talk about a literal embarrassment of riches.
10. And bitches about his teammates.
13. This is one of their houses… it has a moat.
14. Because he’s corny.
15. He celebrates 10-yard runs like an asshole…
20. Because he made a cameo on Entourage.
21. Because he checked out this girl’s butt.
22. This hat and facial expression.
23. Because his hair once looked like this…
25. Because he’s friends with David Beckham and that’s just too much handsome for one friendship.
26. He’s a spokesman for Ugg! Ugg for Christ’s sake!
27. Because according to Forbes he has a 6.4 handicap.
28. Because unless you’re a Giants fan he’s probably made your life a living hell.
29. Because the handsome bastard makes it look too easy.
30. Because this is me in real life — every Sunday.
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