If you’re a New York Knicks fan you’re probably in a pretty dark place right now. Last season, the Knicks won 54 games and advanced to the second round of the playoffs for the first time in over a decade. They were exciting to watch and gave fans some hope that maybe — just MAYBE — with a couple roster tweaks they could compete for a title. But as we all know being optimistic about the New York Knicks is almost always a mistake and although they’re only 3.5 games out of the last playoff spot Madison Square Garden has been home to the most hilariously inept basketball team in the NBA. There may still be a month until the end of the regular season, but why wait to celebrate how #blessed everyone has been to watch the Knickerbockers this year.
1. Andrea Bargnani proved to be the most entertaining dunker of our generation…
Just in case you forgot the Italian 7-footer was the No.1 overall pick in the 2006 draft. His putrid season ended when he attempted to posterize two members of the 76ers and tore a ligament in his elbow.
2. As well as a game-changing defender.
Europeans have a reputation for being soft on the defensive end of the floor, but Bargnani might be legitimately allergic to human contact.
4. Carmelo completely gave up trying to mask his frustration.
The Knicks have been hilarious to watch this season, but nothing has been more enjoyable than Carmelo blatantly displaying his disgust on the bench. Anthony set the Knicks franchise record with 62 points against the Charlotte Bobcats in January and is currently the No. 2 scorer in the NBA with 28 ppg. He also leads the league in frowns.
5. The celebrities in attendance don’t even feign interest anymore.
Larry Davis was pretttaaaayyy prettttaaayyy unimpressed, while Michelle Rodriguez and Cara Delevingne looked too drunk to even know who was playing.
6. And neither does the team’s starting point guard.
Ray Felton’s now infamous yawn occurred during overtime in a loss to the Sacramento Kings. He also faced constant criticism over his weight and conditioning — because he has been overweight and out of shape.
7. Who apparently didn’t realize you need a license to have a gun in New York.
New York professional athletes apparently never learn. One would think that after Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in his leg and killed his NFL career every New York athlete would immediately get their firearms registered. But not good ole’ Raymond Felton who not only possessed a unregistered handgun with body armor piercing bullets but also allegedly threatened his wife with said handgun.
8. They can’t perform the basic functions of the game they’re paid millions of dollars to play.
Passing, à la Knicks.
9. They have resorted to very childish tactics in order to gain the slightest advantage.
This is what happens when J.R. Smith is not playing in a contract season.
10. Like REALLY childish.
Remember, J.R. Smith was signed to a 3-year $17.95 million contract before this season.
11. This guy basically sums up what it feels like to be a Knicks fan.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LISTEN TO ALL 10 MINUTES OF THIS MAN’S AGONY OF BEING A KNICKS FAN. [Language NSFW]
12. And EVEN if they do hire Phil Jackson…
Rebuilding this team is going to take a lot of work and there’s no guarantee Jackson still has the energy for such an undertaking, but that being said if he gets full control of the Knicks he may be one of the only people that could right this ship. But we all know he’s probably just keeping Isiah Thomas’ seat warm.
13. This freakin’ guy is still in charge.
James Dolan is the worst human being in sports. He is a joy thief. As long as he interferes with the day-to-day operations of the Knicks the poor fans don’t stand a chance.