1. Because they aren’t coached by any of these guys.
Pete Carroll is a smirking robber baron. Jim Harbaugh is a pirouetting temper tantrum waiting to happen. And Bill Belichick wants you to get the hell off his lawn.
2. But rather by this hero, who is recovering from mid-season heart surgery.
How can you not root for John Fox? He missed four games this season after undergoing open-heart surgery to replace his aortic valve and now that he’s recovered he’s pursuing his first Super Bowl title as head coach. But that doesn’t make him a hero. What makes him a hero is that in 2012 he won a playoff game WITH TIM TEBOW AT QUARTERBACK.
3. Because rather than the macho yapping of the Seahawks and Niners, they wear their emotions on their sleeve — like real men — AND IT’S REALLY INTIMIDATING.
Knowshon Moreno’s river of tears will haunt your dreams.
4. Because Peyton shills for fast food pizza — America’s least hatable fast food group.
Fuck Papa John though.
5. Because Wes Welker redeemed himself from having been a hatable Patriot by getting his legs eaten by Komodo dragons.
6. Because Eric Decker and his wife Jessie James are, um, very nice to look at.
In addition to being really good at wide receiver-ing, Eric Decker is 50 percent of one of the NFL’s most attractive couples.
7. Because they know that hard work pays off.
LOOK AT THAT FOCUS!
8. Because of Jack Fucking Del Rio.
He did a fine job leading the Broncos as interim head coach while Fox recovered from surgery. And his hair can turn water into wine.
9. Because their most controversial player, Von Miller, won’t even step on the field during the playoffs.
Miller is one of the best pass rushers in the NFL, but violated the league’s substance abuse policy in the offseason, which resulted in a four-game suspension. His suspension was upped to six games when news surfaced that he tried to cheat the drug test. But then he tore his ACL and is out for the year.
10. Because the state of Colorado is super chill. Some may even call it the chillest of states.
Home of winter sports and weed.
11. Because their kicker is a boss.
Matt Prater kicked at NFL record 64-yard field goal this season and then celebrated like Maximus from Gladiator. “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED [BY SKILLED SPECIAL TEAMS PLAY]???”
12. Because they set almost every offensive record imaginable and they weren’t dicks about it….
Records this year for points, touchdowns, players with 10 or more touchdowns, passing first downs, games with 50+ points and points in the second half.
13. Because Peyton Manning actually responds to random wedding invites…
14. And enjoys playing elaborate pranks on his teammates.
Peyton sent handsome wide receiver Eric Decker a fake invoice from their off-season work outs at Duke.
15. Because Champ Bailey deserves a Super Bowl ring.
Bailey is arguably the best defensive player currently playing in the NFL without a Super Bowl ring, and it’s hard to think of someone deserves it more than the 13-time Pro Bowler.
16. Because the WORST thing about them is they created Tebow-mania…
17. But they realized their mistake and took care of that problem REAL QUICK.
CORRECTION: An earlier version of this post stated that Von Miller violated the NFL’s performance enhancing drug policy. Miller was suspended for violating the league’s substance abuse policy.
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