1. Because drinking out of a gasoline container in frowned upon on the other 364 days of the year.
2. Because this sunburn stings with FREEDOM.
3. Because there's only one day when this hero flies.
4. Because it's a day to celebrate with all things America, like (un)nessecary profanity...
5. BBQ...
6. With plenty of bloody red meat.
7. Fireworks...
8. Enough to blow your dick off.
9. Fast food...
10. Beer tanks...
11. Like dangerous amounts of alcohol.
12. AND THIS.
13. It's a day when these lifted trucks rule the road.
14. It's the one day of the year when you can bother this man for directions.
15. When you can dress head to toe in AMERICA.
16. A day when no one will judge you...
17. So flaunt your patriotism...
18. And clear your schedule...
19. Wear your finest red, white, and blue...
20. And remember to practice patriotic safe-sex...
21. DON'T FORGET YOUR BEER COOZIE AMERICAN COWBOY HOODIE...
22. And celebrate your freedom.
