Is This The Greatest Retirement Gift Ever Given On A Wednesday In The Mountain Time Zone?

Yes… The answer is yes.

Last night, Todd Helton was honored by the Colorado Rockies after an insanely consistent 17 years manning the first-base bag. He leads the franchise in games, at bats, runs, hits, total bases, doubles, home runs, RBIs, walks, strikeouts, singles, runs created, extra-base hits, plate appearances, times on base, sacrifice flies, intentional walks, and most times grounded into a double play. Basically, Todd Helton is the Colorado Rockies. He is also the proud owner of an immaculate goatee.

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Christian Petersen / Getty
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In a touching pre-game ceremony, the Rockies honored Helton and his family for his years of service in Denver. His eldest daughter, Tierney Faith, threw out the first pitch — with a perfect strike.

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His wife, Christy, gave him a lovely smooch for the fans and photographers.

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His brother Rod — who has equally immaculate facial hair — gave him a heartfelt bro hug.

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And his old college football teammate Peyton Manning gave him a few firm slaps on the ass.

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It was a great ceremony for one of the greatest athletes in the Mile High city’s history, and as Mariano Rivera’s farewell tour has showed us, great players get great gifts.

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So the Rockies gave Helton a horse — named A Tru Bustamove — with a customized Rockies saddle, which allowed him to literally ride off into the sunset.

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Enjoy that rocking chair, Mariano.

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