1. Rowing - Lucas McNamara - “The Skulls”
Captain of the 4-time Ivy League Champion Yale crew team. Member of the Skull and Bones Society. Possesses the skills of a misspent youth.
2. Sailing - Charlie St. Cloud - “Charlie St. Cloud”
Recipient of a full scholarship to Stanford for sailing. Bad driver of automobiles.
3. Shooting - Bob Lee Swagger - “Shooter”
Retired US Marine Corps Force Recon Gunnery Sergeant and Scout Sniper. Can kill from over a mile away. Fueled by vengeance.
4. Archery - Legolas - “The Lord of the Rings”
Elf warrior who enjoys killing Orcs with his dwarf buddy, Gimli. Over 2000 years old.
5. Judo - Barry Gabrewski - “Sidekicks”
Wild imagination. Unhealthy obsession with Chuck Norris.
6. Canoe/Kayaking - Cole (Extreme Sports Punk) - “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle”
Poster boy for Mountain Dew. Racist.
7. Synchronized Swimming - Bushwood Country Club Caddies - “Caddyshack”
Permitted to swim at the Bushwood Country Club pool one day per year, between 1:00 and 1:15 pm. Imagine what they could have done with more practice?
8. Diving - Thornton Melon - “Back to School”
Only known man to complete the ‘Triple Lindy’ and survive to tell the tale. Employed Kurt Vonnegut Jr. to write his English papers.
9. 10,000 Meter - Paulie Bleeker - “Juno”
Producer of strong sperm. Amateur acoustic guitar player.
10. Gymnastics - Bernard ‘Beanie’ Campbell - “Old School”
Owns six Speaker Cities. Worth $3.5 million that the government knows about.
11. Taekwondo - Fred Simmons - “The Foot Fist Way”
Fourth-degree black belt. Cuckold. Not Kenny Powers
12. Javelin - Lamar Latrell - “Revenge of the Nerds”
Distinguished member of the Lambda Lambda Lambda fraternity. Rapper. Hero.
13. (Arm) Wrestling - Lincoln Hawk - “Over the Top”
Truck driver. Absent father. Herculean forearms.
14. Boxing - Jake Huard - “Annapolis”
Who would dare punch that face!
15. Tennis - Richie Tenenbaum - “The Royal Tenenbaums”
Former tennis prodigy. Harbors inappropriate feelings for his sister.
16. Table Tennis - Forrest Gump - “Forrest Gump”
All-American football player. Congressional Medal of Honor winner. Shrimp boat captain. Mama’s boy.
17. Badminton - Darcy - “Something Borrowed”
Flawless wine drinking technique. Loose morals. Salt N’ Pepa fan.
18. Rugby - Colin Sullivan - “The Departed”
Dislikes the fire department. Trustworthy. Loyal.
19. Football - Juan Morales - “The Big Green”
Texas youth soccer superstar. Illegal alien. Friend of Steve Guttenberg.
20. Basketball - Antoine Tyler - “The Sixth Man”
Restless soul. NCAA champion. Minor injury problems.
21. Volleyball - Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell - “Top Gun”
22. Cycling - Dave Stoller - “Breaking Away”
Admirer of Italian culture. Slightly disillusioned.
23. Fencing - Inigo Montoya - “The Princess Bride”
Repetitive. Someone foolishly killed his father, they should prepare to die.
24. Weightlifting - Ron Burgundy - “Anchorman”
I don’t know if you heard him counting, but he can do over a thousand curls.
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