1. They can stand on two legs. They can stand on two legs like a goddamn human.
2. They have eyes on the sides of their head so they can always judge your every move.
3. No creature capable of this contorted face could possibly be up to anything holy.
4. You know horses can literally only say "neigh" and never yes? So disagreeable.
5. Lord only knows what kind of demon of the night can stand so fiercely while wind blows through their mane.
6. There's a reason the bad guys always show up on horseback.
7. They could potentially pounce on you at any given moment with all the weight of their robust, muscular bodies.
8. They're definitely plotting your demise and gossiping about it with all of their evil horse accomplices.
9. And you know they're probably seeking revenge because WE SIT ON THEM ALL THE TIME.
10. And we totally humiliate and objectify them with shit like My Little Pony so they're definitely mad at us now.
11. It's only a matter of time before they start an uprising after being forced to race.
12. Why would any living being need to perform such an impressive mouth stretch other than to swallow you whole?
13. Is this horse trying to inhale the entire human race? YEAH PROBABLY.
14. THESE TEETH. THESE ARE FUCKING THREATENING TO HUMANITY AS A WHOLE.
15. They're so strong they could probably kick you all the way to OUTER SPACE.
16. Oh and have you seen a horse GALLOP?????
17. IT'S LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING STAMPEDE OF DEATH.
18. They can endure any weather because BLACK MAGIC.
19. Have you ever met someone who survived a staring contest with a horse? No, you haven't. And if they say they have THEY'RE LYING.
20. EVEN FAKE HORSES ARE TERRIFYING.
There's a reason carousels are basically spinning death traps.
