19 Things You’ll Never Admit To Teaching Your Kids

“Gee, Principal Stevens, I have absolutely no idea where she learned that.”

1. To look at strangers with an incredibly serious expression and whisper, “I see dead people.”

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2. To cross their eyes.

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3. To pass gas while doing a karate kick and singing, “Everybody was kung-fu farting!”

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4. To reply “a ladies’ man” when someone asks them what they’re going to be when they grow up.

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5. Or to answer the same question with a Monty Python-esque, “I want to be a lumberjack!”

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6. To blow bubbles in milk.

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7. To shake their head and say, “I am not amused.”

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8. To perform the timeless classic, “pull my finger.”

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9. To say, “Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.”


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10. To bend their index finger and say “REDRUM! REDRUM! REEEEDDDDD RRRUUUUMMMMM!”

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11. To do the classic “remove your thumb” trick.

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12. To recite this little gem:

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13. To make this magic happen.

Not to mention: “Oh hELL”

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14. To use “air quotes.”

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15. To reply, “Joey doesn’t share food” whenever anyone asks them for a bite of their food.

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16. To unleash a rip-roaring armpit fart.

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17. To make a spoon stick on their nose.

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18. To show a little attitude.

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19. To welcome new people by saying, “Greetings, human… if indeed you are human.”

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H/T to The Straight Dope.

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