23 Things Parents Said That Sounded Wildly Inappropriate Out Of Context

    "We don't lick other people's balls."

    Mike Spohr
    by Mike Spohr

    BuzzFeed Staff

    We asked followers of the BuzzFeed Community to share the things they've said as parents that sounded really, really "off" out of context:

    1. “We don’t lick other people's balls.”

    MTV

    "I said this at a work picnic when my toddler was picking up my husband's co-worker's basketballs and licking them."

    — sarahw63

    2. "He farted into my hand. Thank goodness!"

    Warner Bros.

    "My 3-month-old was suffering from serious gas. I was relieved for him!"

    — Emily Ryder, Facebook

    3. "Stop crying already. The car barely hit you."

    Odeon Films

    "I said this while on the phone with my mom after my 4-year-old had screamed for 45 minutes that a kid at preschool bumped her arm with his plastic car in the sandbox. My mom was a little worried I didn't take a hit and run seriously enough."

    — Janelle G. Morgan, Facebook

    4. “Spread your legs! Let me get in there!”

    AMC

    "I was crowding around the chihuahua race track at a taco festival when I heard a frustrated man say this. Shocked, I turned around to see a dad trying to help his 4-year-old sit on his shoulders."

    — aniellel447fa4589

    5. "DID YOU GET THE D?"

    Sony Pictures

    "My mother once loudly asked me this in the middle of a family dinner. She was referring to decongestant medicine and not my love life."

    — ashleym403e33a32

    6. "You have to be naked! This doesn’t work if you're not naked!”

    TBS

    "Said while trying to get my son to take a bath when he wanted to keep his shirt on."

    — gabriellep41cee509e

    7. “Get your penis off the refrigerator, please.”

    CBS

    "Said to my two-year-old child who we are currently trying to potty train."

    — brokenbutlovely333

    8. "Go finish your fingering worksheet."

    Miramax/Paramount

    "My daughter was learning to play the flute."

    — cristinar40dc0464f

    9. "Stop rubbing your cookie on things!"

    Fox

    "I'd given my daughter a teething biscuit at the grocery store and she kept rubbing it on the filthy shopping cart."

    — Jamie Michelle Davis, Facebook

    10. “Make sure you wet just the tip. It’ll make more noise that way.”

    MTV

    "I said this when giving a friend's son advice on snapping a towel. Face palm."

    — carak4a8cd43e8

    11. “Stop hitting the chickens with your underwear!”

    Paramount

    "This wasn't taken out of context though — I said it because my two-year-old was literally hitting our pet chickens with her underwear."

    — jessicas46c0f6376

    12. "Holster your guns when we are in Target!"

    20th Century Fox

    "My little boys were making 'finger guns' in public."

    — Jennie Stilton, Facebook

    13. “Just because it fits in your mouth doesn’t mean it belongs there.”

    Universal

    "My toddler was trying to eat a stinkbug."

    — exlouwho

    14. “Stop licking my lamp!”

    NBC

    "My husband informed my kids that the pink globe lamp I got for my birthday is, in fact, made of salt. Now they won't leave it alone. The three-year-old says it tastes like chips."

    — danahasset

    15. "I love you too, sweetie. Now let mommy go so I can wipe your butt, please."

    Fox

    "Said to my daughter when I was changing her and she grabbed my arm for a hug."

    — Nicole Buchholtz, Facebook

    16. “I wonder if Dick’s have balls?”

    Paramount

    "I was wondering aloud if the sporting goods store had Ladder Ball replacement balls and didn't think it through."

    — c4255e2e22

    17. "Stop poking your dad with my wooden penis!”

    Fox

    "Recently, my sister bought me a novelty wooden bottle opener shaped as a penis as a gift (Thanks, I think?) and my 8-year-old nephew started poking his dad with it."

    — Mamatika

    18. “Stop tea bagging each other or everybody is off the trampoline!”

    CodeBlack Films

    "Said to a crew of eleven-year-old boys at a massive birthday party after they found a box of orange pekoe tea in the back alley."

    — hollyvivier

    19. “This is a nut cheese family. We love our nut milk and nut cheese.”

    New Line Cinema

    "I said this while explaining our vegan diet to another mom."

    — elizabethr4d89a3efb

    20. "You have to put on your bathing suit before you can ride the chicken!”

    youtube.com

    "Said when we were on vacation and my 2-year-old found an inflatable duck tube. She started calling it a 'chicken' and wanted to ride it."

    — pearlywordsofchaos

    21. "Meat is not poop!"

    Paramount

    "My four-year-old niece hates meat and thinks its poop."

    — Bailea Velasquez, Facebook

    22. “Go have your shark eat daddy’s carcass.”

    NBC

    "Said to my 2-year-old as he attacked me with a toy shark while I was cooking dinner. He had already attacked and 'killed' daddy."

    — kellyl4f49d52ca

    23. “I don’t care who started it, the rule is you don’t shoot people in the face!”

    Warner Bros.

    "Me, anytime my son is playing with his Nerf guns."

    — ragzy10

    Want to be on BuzzFeed? Follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook!