1. Age 14: Getting your period on the day you made the ill-advised decision to wear white pants to school.
And you didn’t even have a jacket to wrap around your waist.
2. Age 15: Logging on to discover your little brother secretly filmed you trying to twerk and posted it in your high school’s Facebook group.
3. Age 16: Leaning over to pick up a pencil in math class and accidentally letting one rip.
4. Age 17: Texting your dad instead of your best friend after losing your virginity.
5. Age 18: Waking up on the morning of your prom with this on your face.
6. Age 19: Getting drunk at a party and breaking your ankle stumbling home.
7. Age 20: Clicking on the wrong file when giving a power point presentation and projecting a private webcam you made.
“Where is the off button?!”
8. Age 21: Waking up on spring break and instantly regretting your choices from the night before.
Yep, that’s Celine Dion on the small of your back.
9. Age 22: Losing your bikini top coming down a slide at the water park and flashing hundreds of families.
10. Age 23: Realizing upon leaving a very important job interview that you’d done the whole thing with the back of your skirt tucked into your underwear.
11. Age 24: Your grandma walking in on you having a quickie while at home for Christmas.
Ten minutes later you all sat down for the most awkward dinner ever.
12. Age 25: Running into your naked boss in the gym locker room and having the world’s most awkward conversation as you get dressed.
“I didn’t realize you were a member here. Oh, you just joined? How fun.”
13. Age 26: Finishing up a very important call with a client and signing off by saying, “Love you.”
14. Age 27: Getting out of the shower to discover the new person you’re dating found your high school yearbook photo.
15. Age 28: Hitting “reply all” after writing a super snarky response to a company wide email.
16. Age 29: Getting drunk at your best friend’s wedding, crying in the bathroom that everyone is getting married but you, and then sloppily making out with the prematurely balding groomsman.
17. Age 30: Trying to do Beyonce’s latest moves at the office party and accidentally breaking a co-worker’s nose.
18. Age 31: Your maid of honor pulling skeletons out of your closet in front of hundreds of guests.
19. Age 32: Asking your new neighbor when she’s due and being told that she’s not pregnant.
20. Age 33: Walking onstage to give a speech in front of the whole company and falling flat on your face.
21. Age 34: Pooping when trying to push out the baby during childbirth.
This is a good time to mention that nurses need to be paid more.
22. Age 35: Going out with your friends for the first time post-baby and not realizing until you get home that your breasts leaked through your blouse.
23. Age 36: Giving a long monologue to a friend about why you’re so glad she broke up with her annoying boyfriend only to learn they got back together.
24. Age 37: Your toddler finding your vibrator and handing it to a guest in the middle of a dinner party.
25. Age 38: Saying, “Who is Lorde?” “What is Tinder?” and “How does a Snapchat work exactly?” in less than three minutes with younger coworkers.
26. Age 39: Going in for a pap smear and seeing this is the gynecologist seconds before he says, “Put your feet in the stirrups.”
“Looks like you’ve got a little yeast infection down here.”