1. You sometimes can’t help but think your co-workers act a little bit like your kids.
2. Which inevitably leads to your going all “parent” on them.
3. You have an uncanny ability to tune things out.
It doesn’t bother you if your office is a madhouse one day because - hello - you live with children.
5. During work birthday celebrations you somehow always end up cutting the cake and distributing pieces.
6. You’re known around the office as the master of the bad pun.
7. Instead of a “work spouse” you have a “work kid.”
This is Tommy. He’s been really missing his parents ever since he moved here from Des Moines, but you’ve given him a lot of guidance and support.
8. Your cubicle is plastered with photos of your kids.
9. You often go around the office turning off lights.
11. And you have to try especially hard not to say something snide when your co-workers complain about being tired.
“I totally stayed up on a Netflix binge, man. Now I’m like the most tired person in the world!” Riiiiiight.
12. You take more calls on your cell phone than anyone else in the office.
It’s usually your spouse or kid, but once you’re a parent you can’t not answer it.
13. When your co-workers discuss the latest movies you can only chime in about kid’s movies.
“The Wolf Of Wall Street sounds great, guys, but you know what else is great? Frozen!”
14. Also, when they discuss all of the off-the-chain parties they went to over the weekend…
You mention that you went to a party too but decline to give any further details.
15. You always brush off going out for drinks and are the first one through the door when the work day ends.
You’ve got to pick up the kids, get to the Little League game, make dinner….
16. When you do go out for drinks, or to an office party, you never stay long.
17. Taking co-workers out for lunch in your car is super embarrassing.
“Just brush those fishies onto the floor, and don’t be afraid to cram up against the car seat. It won’t break, I promise!”
18. You’re the most likely person in the office to leave a note like this:
19. You’ve accidentally said something to a co-worker that you normally say to your kid.
And it was awkward. So awkward.
20. You sometimes annoy your co-workers by absentmindedly humming the theme song to Dora The Explorer.
21. And lastly, you’re the first one to congratulate a co-worker on becoming a parent.
Because it means there’s now another weirdo in the office just like you.