1. The Workaholic
They corner you at children’s parties and tell you all about their latest business venture — that is, when they’re not scrolling through work emails on their phone.
2. The Wine Lover
They bring wine to play dates and even drink it out of sippy cups. You’re a bit worried about them.
3. The Hipster
They dress their kid in skinny jeans, oversized glasses, and a Sex Pistols’ T-shirt, even though the kid has never heard a note of their music.
4. The Parenting Expert
They ask you how you feed/potty train/discipline your kid, then explain at length why what you’re doing is totally wrong.
5. The Social Media Addict
They can’t let a minute go by without posting a selfie with their kid to Facebook, tweeting a “funny” kid quote, or Instagramming a video at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Those with the biggest problem even post stuff on Google+.
6. The Overwhelmed
They talk about showers the way most people do vacations.
7. The Maniac
They roughhouse with their kids everywhere they go, including Sunday church services.
8. The Baker
They can’t attend an event of any kind without bringing dozens of homemade goodies.
9. The Certifiably Insane
They scare you, and unfortunately their kid is best friends with yours.
10. The Recliner
They somehow manage to raise their children without ever getting up from their La-Z-Boy.
11. The Prematurely Old
They’ve cut their hair, wear high-waisted jeans, and can’t wait to tell you all about the interesting things they learned on NPR this morning.
12. The Oblivious
They never notice when their kid is about to fall off a ledge or needs a booger wiped off their face.
13. The General
They treat their kids like they’re in the military, and expect full compliance to their rules. Their kids are scared of them and so are you.
14. The Health Nut
They’ve somehow convinced their kids to love tomato wedges, and totally judge you for giving yours Doritos even if they’re too polite to say so.
15. The Big Kid
They feed their Peter Pan complex by spending hours climbing the jungle gym, watching cartoons, and playing tag with their kids.
16. The Helicopter
They spend all day within arm’s reach of their kid in case they fall down, pick up something dirty, or need a hug.
17. The Free Ranger
They rarely have any idea where their kids are and like to say, “They’ll be home when they’re home.”
18. The Effortlessly Cool
They make parenting seem totally awesome instead of a series of dirty diapers, tantrums, and PTA meetings.
19. The Try Hards
They’re desperate to show that they’re still every bit as cool as they were before kids, but they’re not very convincing.
20. The Creeper
They view every school event, trip to the park, and Little League game as an opportunity to pick up on the opposite sex, ring or no ring.
21. The Braggart
They want to tell you all about how their youngest just skipped a grade and their oldest is being scouted by UCLA. And did you hear about their daughter, the singer?
And then there’s you…
Who is totally nailing this parenting thing, of course.