1. The Neighbor
They live in your neighborhood, and once you’ve met them you run into them everywhere. This is especially awkward at the supermarket when they look into your cart and see a pack of cheap beer and US Weekly.
2. The Over-Your-Header
They take every issue they have with you (no matter how tiny) directly to the principal.
3. The Veteran
They have older children who were already in your class, so they know your system like the back of their hand.
4. The Hottie
They’re so wowza attractive that you have to resist the impulse to say, “Enough talk about your kid. Tell me about you!”
5. The Expert
They either have a cousin who is a teacher or recently caught Stand and Deliver on TBS, and therefore believe they know exactly how you should run your class.
6. The Actual Expert
They’re a teacher themselves (or were one), and actually do have a good idea of how you should run your class. They make you a little nervous.
7. The Best Friend
They share details of their love life in between discussions of their kid’s test scores.
8. The Ghost
They’ve never come to the school and won’t return your calls no matter how many times you dial their number. You know they exist, though, because you’ve heard their voice on their outgoing message.
9. The Giver
They mean well, but make you uncomfortable with all of the questionably appropriate gifts they offer. (“Thanks, Mrs. Jones, but I really shouldn’t accept gifts —” “But they’re front row.” “Really? I mean, no!”)
10. The Ghostwriter
They clearly do their kid’s homework, and are brazen enough about it to pepper each assignment with college level grammar and thousand dollar words.
11. The Angel
They’re always the first to offer help around the classroom or to chaperone a field trip. They do so much for your class, in fact, that you almost feel guilty about it.
12. The Bandwidth Burner
They send you daily emails, regularly keep you on the phone for forty-five minutes or more, and stop you in the parking lot on the way to your car.
13. The Nostalgic Grad
They’re usually terrific to deal with, but no interaction with them is complete until they’ve told you another story from their school days.
14. The Accuser
They’re convinced that every little thing that goes wrong with their child is your fault, and will corner you once or twice a year to give you a royal telling off.
15. The Scapegoat
Their kid has you convinced they’re the problem (“I couldn’t do the homework because my mom won’t let me use the computer”), but when you meet them it becomes clear their kid is trying to play you both.
16. The Grounder
They start every conversation with “What did he do now?” and punctuate your discussion with things like, “Doesn’t surprise me one bit!” and “He is so grounded!”
17. The Acquaintance
They’re your dentist, former high school classmate, or neighbor. This either makes things really easy… or really awkward. (Mid dental exam: “Well, Dr. Jones, I gave your son an “F” because… OW!!!”)
18. The Apologizer
They’re skittish about approaching you even when they’re absolutely right to, and never fail to profusely apologize about taking up your time.
19. The Supporter
They’re on the same page as you in trying to support their child’s education, and make your job a lot easier.
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