1. Your Deepest Shame in San Francisco
You’ve spent an afternoon driving around Pacific Heights trying to find the Full House home.
2. Your Deepest Shame in Los Angeles
You’ve felt a surge of excitement when you realize you’ve been somewhere the Kardashians went on their show. “Holy crap! They’re at Sagebrush Cantina!”
3. Baseball in San Francisco
You hate The Dodgers with a fiery passion and worship the Giants so much that you’re willing to overlook whatever it is Tim Lincecum is trying to grow above his lip.
4. Baseball in Los Angeles
You hate the Giants with a fiery passion and worship The Dodgers so much that you’re willing to stay until at least the seventh inning.
5. Slang in San Francisco
You still describe things as being “hella cool” and don’t care who hears it… except for your grandma. In front of her you say “hecka.”
6. Slang in Los Angeles
You’re all, “I know that SoCal slang is, like, totally cliched, but whatever.”
7. Celebrities in San Francisco
“Look, Ma! It’s CEO and co-founder of WhatsApp Jan Koum!”
8. Celebrities in Los Angeles
“Look, Ma! It’s the star of World War Z Brad Pitt!”
9. Hipster Watching in San Francisco
You bring your binoculars and field guide to the Mission District.
10. Hipster Watching in Los Angeles
You take your wildlife photographs in Los Feliz and Silver Lake.
11. Cost of Living in San Francisco
This is all you have left after you pay for your tiny studio apartment (which costs more than many 4,000 square foot mansions in other parts of the country).
12. Cost of Living in Los Angeles
You don’t pay quite as much to live here, but it’s damn close.
13. Professional Football in San Francisco
You root on the Niners and remember their glory days of winning 5 Super Bowls in the ’80s and ’90s.
14. Professional Football in Los Angeles
You try to convince yourself that USC and UCLA have such good programs that it’s basically like having a pro team. (It’s not.)
15. Visibility in San Francisco
You can barely see your hand in front of your face because of fog.
16. Visibility in Los Angeles
You can barely see your hand in front of your face because of smog.
17. Why You’re Late in San Francisco
You arrive at your destination in no time, then spend half an hour driving around looking for a space.
18. Why You’re Late in Los Angeles
You get stuck on the 405, or the 101, or the 10, or…
19. Going out in December in San Francisco
21. Freeway Names in San Francisco
You call them by their number, and that’s it. “Get on 280…”
22. Freeway Names in Los Angeles
You put “the” before a freeway number, or just call it by its name, like “Pacific Coast Highway,” “The Hollywood Freeway” or “The Long Beach Freeway.”
23. Surfing in San Francisco
Great white sharks prefer the cold waters around the San Francisco Bay Area, so you not only freeze but risk becoming fish bait.
24. Surfing in Los Angeles
You aren’t nearly as badass, but who’s complaining when the water is warm and the people on the beach are so pretty?
25. Burritos in San Francisco
You eat yours “Mission Style,” which was invented in San Francisco in the ’60s and features lots of rice, beans, cheese, onions, sour cream and more.
26. Burritos in Los Angeles
You eat yours the authentic Mexican way with only a few ingredients like meat, beans, and cheese.