1. The Garbage Disposal
They eat you out of house and home, then complain to their parents that you never fed them.
2. The Overachiever
They’re so high-strung and future-focused that you wish they’d skip a class or two and hang out with the burnouts in the parking lot.
3. The Insomniac
They keep you awake all night when sleeping over by running around every inch of your home.
4. The Kiss Ass
They think they’ve got you wrapped around their little finger but you can see right through them.
5. The Nerd
You want to wrap them up in a blanket and keep them safe from the world.
6. The Queen Bee
They’re so popular and intimidating that even you are a little scared of them.
7. The Ungrateful
It doesn’t matter how many dinners, rides, or movie tickets you give these kids. They never say “thank you.”
8. The Born Leader
They say they want to be president one day and are so together that they just might be.
9. The Horn Dog
They’re the reason parental controls were invented.
10. The Schemer
You practically have to hire a private investigator to stay on top of all the trouble they’re plotting with your kid.
11. The Picky Eater
They come to your house for dinner and refuse to eat anything but bread and butter.
12. The Critic
They watch you like a hawk and are quick to mention when they think their parents do something better than you.
13. The World Weary
They act like the world is an unbearable place even before they’ve ever had a job, paid taxes, or gone to the DMV.
14. The Politician
They’ve memorized all of their parents’ talking points and love to debate national affairs on the way to the playground.
15. The Performer
They can’t let more than a couple minutes pass without yelling “Watch me!”
16. The Ghost
They’re so quiet they could be at your house a whole day before you even realize they’re there.
17. The Bully
They remind you way too much of the jerks who pushed you around when you were a kid.
18. The Old Soul
They prefer coffee to soda, Mozart to pop music, and often surprise you by making comments that are disarmingly insightful.
19. The Orthodork
They’re guaranteed to lose their retainer at the restaurant when you invite them out.
20. The Hyperkinetic
They can’t be given sugar any more than a gremlin can be fed after midnight.
21. The Fashion Plate
They have more fashion sense at 12 than you’ve ever had, and look at you with pity when you pick up your kid in sweats and a T-shirt.
22. The Gamer
When they’re not playing games on their console they’re playing them on their parents’ tablet or phone. You seriously hope they never start gambling.
23. The Lothario
They started asking their classmates out on dates in the fifth grade and never fail to compliment you when you get a new haircut.