1. You’re over being “ironic.”
We now realize that all that bad television we watched ironically was just bad television.
2. You’ve stopped treating your body terribly.
Why did we smoke, drink so much, and eat all of those double bacon cheeseburgers?
3. You’d rather poke your eye out than go back to living in a tiny apartment with way too many roommates.
It’s worth having a few wrinkles if it means never again having to say, “Did somebody use my toothbrush?!”
4. Another round of insecurity and self-loathing? No thanks.
What’s the point of being young and cute if you think so little of yourself?
5. Entry-level jobs.
You’ve earned your spot up the totem pole, and you like it there.
6. Being an angry young man or woman is exhausting.
You’ve mellowed out and you like it.
Having your voice crack as you ask the clerk what aisle Clearasil is on is a moment best left in the past.
8. You’re lucky to have survived it the first time.
Being young and dumb is not cute (or safe).
9. You like being self-sufficient.
Not knowing how to change a tire or fill out a tax return when you’re young means you’re always dependent on others for help.
10. They couldn’t pay you enough to go back to high school.
Aw, hell no.
11. All the relationship drama.
Here’s a big “no” to thinking YOUR. LIFE. IS. OVER. every single time a relationship doesn’t work out.
12. All the friend drama too.
Now when a friend is all drama you’re just like, “See ya!” Once you realize you can handle things that way you never want to go back.
13. You have a much better relationship with your parents today.
And if you don’t, at least you no longer have to live with them.
14. You’ve realized that you do not, in fact, know everything.
Life is so much better when you learn to listen and think before making up your mind.
15. Student loans.
You just paid them off (or are about to) and really don’t feel like starting the meter again.
16. You enjoy not having to live off the dollar menu.
Granted, Taco Bell has a pretty awesome dollar menu, but you’d rather not go back to having it three meals a day with the occasional break for a Cup of Noodles.
17. You are not going to go back to worrying about what everyone thinks of you.
The older you get the less you care about what others think of you and it is glorious.
18. It’s not fun being so judgmental.
Life is better when you don’t hate people with a fiery passion simply for liking Nickelback.
19. Being afraid to do things is the worst.
So much youth is spent crippled by worry over the most insignificant things. Who wants to live that way again?
20. You no longer wish to be out at all hours of the night.
Parties that start at 10 p.m.? Plans to meet at the club at midnight? Staying out until sunrise? Nope. Not doing that again.
21. It’s no fun not knowing things.
It doesn’t matter how smart and educated you are at 20. You know a whole heck of a lot more at 30, 40, 50…
22. Doing more things that you’ll cringe over later? No, no, no.
Drunk dialing doesn’t happen nearly as much as you age, and that’s a good thing.