1. Cleaning supplies.
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?
Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.
5. Cellulite cream.
1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.
6. A bouquet of flowers picked from a neighbor’s yard.
Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.
7. Tickets to a monster truck rally.
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.
9. A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”
10. A coupon book.
Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.
11. Breakfast in bed made entirely by your kids.
This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.
12. A “Steak of the Month” club.
AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.
13. A frame… without a family photo in it.
The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.
14. Something from the bargain bin.
They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.
15. A gift certificate to Weight Watchers.
What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”
16. Exercise equipment or a gym membership.
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.
17. Something that’s more for the kids than you.
“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”
18. Slippers, muumuus, or anything else an octogenarian would love.
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.
19. Anything bought the day of.
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.