1. Tim Tebow Usurps Mark Sanchez
After a particularly long day of practice Sanchez is visited by an angel. The next day Tebow leads the offense through Wildcat drills. Sanchez is never seen again. New York collectively forgets about his existence.
2. Rex and Rob Ryan Switch Places, Nobody Notices
Neither could scheme a defense that could beat the New York Giants last year, and if you add a straight razor and a mild foot fetish, no one would be able to tell the difference.
3. Santonio Holmes’ Head Explodes
Trying his best to be a team player after last year’s meltdown, Holmes watches the 20th Tebow pass in a row crash like a dead duck at his feet. The bottled up pressure erupts, leaving Tebow with a newfound respect for science and the theory of spontaneous combustion.
4. Fireman Ed Is Hired As Full Time Motivator
Making the transition from fireman/cheerleader to a leader of men proves troublesome for Ed as he struggles to keep the players’ focus. The most enduring scene of the series occurs in the showers as Ed presses his head against a wall while quietly sobbing “J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets”.
5. Antonio Cromartie Concisely Lists Each Of His Children
Just kidding. We want to keep these in the realm of possibility.