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    • mibfto

      This happens a lot with sexual harassment. We live in a culture that regularly tells women that harassment is actually totally normal behavior, and then shame them for talking about it. For instance, the comments on this article alone in which Judd’s account in which her story is doubted and minimized. Read the comments on ANY artcle on a similar topic: People are endlessly telling women they weren’t REALLY harassed, nothing ACTUALLY happened, OMG why would HE harass HER anyhow?  And so it is completely understandable that most women try to explain away their harassment, oftentimes for years, before coming to terms with it: they’ve been told their whole lives that no one will believe them and that their worthiness of harassment will be endlessly discussed— as though the harassment itself wasn’t demeaning enough.  One time I was in a bar and there was a dude groping women. It wasn’t a crowded bar, but he’d grab the woman he was walking past subtly, in a way that would make her uncomfortable but was she really going to make a big stink about it because it wasn’t THAT bad, right? Well, fucking wrong: when he grabbed me, I told him loudly not to fucking touch me. That got his attention, and he turned around to (I assume) try to defend his actions. I could practically hear it before he started speaking, “Why would I touch YOU” “Honeslty I was jsut trying to squeeze by I didn’t MEAN ANYTHING by it” all that bullshit. So I cut him off. I told him to walk the fuck away from me. He continued to try to speak so I took a step towards him, put my finger in his face, and said, “You do not touch strangers like that. This is not a moment for you to talk to me. This is a moment for you to walk the fuck away.” He grabbed his friend and ran scared.  Right at first, I was just the scary basass who’d scared the groper out of the bar. Felt pretty good, honestly, to have gotten this turd out of the bar so we could all enjoy ourselves in peace. Then I was relaying my story of badassery to someone who hadn’t been there. First thing he asked is if I was jealous that they guy had groped most of the other women in the bar before he groped me.  Was I JEALOUS that the GROPER had GROPED ME LAST.  Yeah. so like, don’t ask women shit like that. And also don’t be surprised when women don’t want to share their stories of being harassed, since that is so frequently the response one gets.

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