I am a chubby chaser. I am more attracted to both men and women who would be considered, “big” (sometimes by normal standards, sometimes by society standards). This is not to say I haven’t been attracted to thin people, and above all I make no notions of what a, “real” woman is or what “real” men like. (So, what, if you don’t like what society says you should, you’re a robot?).
It’s not secret that society, for the most part, does not like fat people. How many times have magazines dedicated full articles to a star’s weight gain? My own Mother even is quick to point out if someone has put on 5 or 10 pounds. Fat shaming is nothing new, but that doesn’t make it right. What is even more interesting is most people don’t realize that they fat shame.
Did you lose weight?/You look like you lost weight!
Unless you know 110% for a fact a person is actively trying to lose weight (e.g.-they’ve told you, they are chronicling it on a page) do not say this. For one, if they did you don’t know if it was because they became extremely ill. Maybe they didn’t lose weight and just look different in certain clothes. If you haven’t seen them in a while, you don’t know if they lost some and recently gained a lot of it back. Finally, it could also make someone feel self conscience. If a person is happy with their body, and someone makes a comment about them losing weight it could make them think, “wait, I needed to lose weight?” Also, a lot of times comments like these actually translate to, “I’m so happy you lost weight! You’re not really a person if you’re fat!” If you must compliment a person’s appearance say something like, “wow! that shirt looks great on you!” or, “that skirt is just your style!”
Heavy Doesn’t Always Equal Unhealthy
People see a heavy person and automatically think, “what a disgusting slob! I bet they eat McDonald’s every day!” Being big does not mean a person is unhealthy, and it is unfair to make that assumption. You have no idea why a person is heavy. Yes, it could be do to an unhealthy lifestyle, but there are many other reasons. They could have a thyroid problem, the weight could be due to medication, or maybe they used to be bigger and recently lost weight (society won’t care about your weight loss until you don’t “look” fat anymore. You have to be visually pleasing).
Assuming because a person is heavy it means they don’t work out is also problematic. How do you know that they don’t go to the gym every day and have been working hard to lose weight? It’s unfair that if a thin person is seen eating Burger King no one thinks, “what a fat pig! I bet they never work out,” but if a big person is seen doing this well they are disgusting and slobs.
Let me explain something. Being thin does not automatically make a person in shame, and being heavy does not mean someone is out of shape. Here is a perfect example: An old friend of mine is a pretty big guy (over weight by his own admittance), yet he has a strict, “no sweets” policy, and I have personally seen him dance for 2-3 hours straight (out dancing many thin and “healthy” people). Thing people are not immune to being unhealthy and out of shape. In fact, a person can be very physically fit and have high cholesterol, but we assume that’s only for big people
Recently there has been talk about NJ Governor, Chris Christie, running for president in 2016. At the top of the discussion? His size. It’s seems that America (the majority) wouldn’t like a “fat President.” He could drop dead from a heart attack any day (because those only affect big men. Didn’t you know?)! They assume that because he’s heavy, it means he couldn’t handle presidential pressures.
We’ve had Presidents in their seventies (Regan), a President who almost choked to death a pretzel, and a President in a wheel chair. No one (okay probably not no one) questions their ability to do the job. But a heavy President? Let the shaming commence!
Save You Faux Concern. Stop The Body Policing
Don’t tell a person they should lose weight because, “you’re concerned for their health.” It is not your business, it is the business of them and possible their doctor, and frankly your comments are probably more due to your discomfort with heavy people than actual concern. If it’s someone you know who has made it clear they are okay with you discussing their weight then fine, but do not feel you have the right to comment on a person’s weight. For one (as I mentioned before) you don’t know that person’s story, you don’t know if they have been trying to lose weight, and making assumptions is simply in poor taste.
Finally, being big does not make a person unattractive, neither does being skinny, or short, or tall, or whatever. Don’t worry about how other people dress (see a big woman in a bikini? Admire their confidence, don’t look at them in disgust) or how they look, worry about yourself. And above all, judge people on their personality, not their looks. That is what makes someone a decent person, not how much they weigh.