Move Over Babies—These Elderly Animals Aren’t Taking Any Crap.

You want overwrought enthusiasm and undying affection? Go find a puppy. These guys have better things to do.

1. This is Freyja, a pit bull/boxer mix that’s getting on in years.

Oh, the stories Freyja could tell you. Just don’t ask about his time in ‘Nam.

2. Aldo would prefer to not disclose his age. Instead he’d rather lounge while listening to jazz.

Man does he love Ellington.

3. Trent knows why you’re laughing. The lampshade looks like a hat. He gets it.

He just wonders why he has to be the brunt of every goddamn joke around here.

4. Zoe’s got some arthritis but she goes to the senior club to get her jitterbug on.

And still plays bingo with the gals down the street on Friday nights.

5. Frankie’s going deaf and he just won’t admit it.

He refuses to wear hearing aids—says he hears just fine without them. Tell that to his wife who has to yell everything so he understands her.

6. Lucille insists on being carried outside. The grass bothers her paws.

And she’s lazy. Let’s be honest—it’s just that she’s really lazy.

7. Ernie is sick of these goddamn kids on his goddamn lawn.

Go play in your own yard!

8. Leonard is getting too old for this shit.

“Go climb the next mountain on your own, man. I’m done.”

9. Don is, frankly, fed up with the cats pooping in his grandkids’ sandbox.

He’s had it up to HERE, you hear? UP TO HERE.

10. Tom just wants a mature lady to enjoy some sunsets with.

Y’know, a companion for his twilight years. She’s gotta be hot though.

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