1. Guy Carrying Oversized Stuffed Animal After Four Grueling Hours of Totally Un-Rigged Park Games
Bonus points if the stuffed prize happens to be an enormous Jamaican banana. Hey now, he needs someone to sit with him on the rides!
2. Park Employee Who Totally Loves Their Life
Of course they will help you find the nearest pretzel stand because TODAY IS THE BEST DAY EVER! LET’S HAVE A SIX FLAGS DISNEYTASTIC CEDAR DOLLY PARTON UNIVERSAL BUSCH GARDENS DAY!
3. Park Employee Who Totally Hates Their Life
What part of mopping up vomit and Dippin’ Dots sounds pleasant to you?
4. The Crazy Adrenaline Junkie
“Yo, Top Thrill Dragster, Imma let you finish but this is nowhere near as rad as the time I BASE jumped off the Himalayan Mountains carrying 800 kilos of solid lead.”
5. Person Too Terrified To Even Enter Any Lines
The thrill of watching people ride the kiddie coaster and eating a corndog is worth the price of admission anyway.
6. Entire Families In Matching Shirts
Matching shirts are actually really good tools for helping lost families reunite. Nobody is going to forget seeing a mortified 13-year-old boy wearing a tie-dye shirt that says “THE DONALD DUCK JOHNSONS TAKE DISNEY WORLD 2K13!” in bold font. “Uh, yeah, miss. He went toward the gift shop.”
7. Kids On Leashes
Because hand-holding and strollers are so bougie. Besides, nowadays you can buy the “toddler location maintenance devices” with cute wittle monkeys on the back!
8. People Walking Around in Nothing but Swimsuits
“Yeah, dude. I got soaked on the log ride like six hours ago so naturally I’m just gonna bare it all for the rest of the day.”
9. People Carrying Enormous Deep-Fried Food
Because if you’re in an American amusement park, go 8,000 calories and 685 grams of fat or GO HOME.
10. Women Who Think a Day at a Theme Park is a Formal Event
Walk into the park like, “Whatup I have 80 blisters and can’t feel my legs, but hey maybe that random guy at the caricature stand will want to marry me!”
11. Overly Affectionate Couples
Hey, most of them are 13. We might as well let them have their 48 hours of torrid love.