The 15 Most Pouty Faces Of “Reign”

Life in the 16th Century wasn’t just torrid romance and flouncy dresses. It was full of terrible plagues, regicide and creepy all knowing seers.

1. Upon realizing that people took one bath yearly

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This is why marriages traditionally take place in June (the yearly bath was in May) and why brides carry bouquets to hide the smell.

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2. Also, still no plumbing

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You had cess-pits which often overflowed and were so dangerous that night soil men actually drowned in them. As immortalized by Samuel Pepys: “Going down to my cellar…I put my feet into a great heap of turds, by which I find that Mr. Turner’s house of office is full and comes into my cellar.”

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3. When told that the only reason you have a nice bed is to keep things from falling on you

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Since roofs were thatched, stuff fall through. Hence the need for canopy beds.

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4. That you live in world where 90% of the populace is vegetarian

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Hey, meat is expensive

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5. But if you could get your hands on it, you hung the carcass outside to display your wealth

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From which comes the expression “bring home the bacon.”

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6. If you’re wealthy, you could totally die from eating off fancy plates

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Fancy means pewter and vegetables/fruit with high acidic content would have the metal leech into the food. That person would then expire. This is why tomatoes were considered poisonous for over 400 years.

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7. You spent most of your life walking on straw

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The rich were able to afford slate for their floors but it would get awful slippery during the winter. So they lined the floors with thresh. Hence the expression “crossing the threshold.”

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8. But hey, at least you get the good portion of bread

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Servants got the burnt end, family members the middle and the head of the family (or the rich) got the top. From which comes the expression “upper crust.”

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9. That at best, you were going to live to be about 35

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So enjoy those flouncy dresses while you can!

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10. Are you a woman? Then you have three choices of profession…

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Midwifery, wet-nursing or prostitution.

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11. Also, you can’t wear bright colors

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Spain set the trend and the trend was SOMBER.

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12. That if you disagreed with the Church it meant death by boiling oil

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Radical theologian Pomponio Algerio was put to death this way for daring to express that people had the right to worship in any way they saw fit.

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13. There was 50-50 chance that you are going to get put to the torch for being a witch

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The vast majority of people in the 16th century were illiterate. As such if you were a woman who did something that could not be explained it was off to the bonfire.

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14. The Black Death is still around and out to get you

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Live in Paris? Well expect an outbreak once out of every three years.

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15. That you are never going to be Queen of England

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Sorry Mary. Elizabeth I is still the greatest queen who ever reigned. Mostly because she hung out with pirates.

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