Part of honesty is honestly calling unsafe and reckless behavior what it is. It’s not honest to pretend that ANY condomless sex with a “casual partner” is safe. It’s not. Period. 1 in 5 gay men in the U.S. have HIV, and 20% of that number do not know they are infected. So if you keep going at the rate you are, odds are you’ll reach that magic number, that one in 20 guy, probably within the decade. Sure, you might not be infected by him — not every sex act between someone who’s infected and someone who’s not results in a new infection — but you sure might be. And of course, if you’re doing this, you might be someone who infects someone else. HIV tests do indeed miss recent infections, and you are relying on “casual partners” to tell you the truth. You say you know these casual partners, but if they’re willing to be casual sex partners with you, they might be willing to be casual sex partners with people who are not nearly as careful as you are. In fact, common sense says some of them probably are. Why should we allow you to re-draw the line about where “unsafe” is? Someone else might say they can re-draw it at 10-12 guys in the past 3 years. How about NOT having unsafe sex, period? You are, as you acknowledge, taking a “calculated” risk. Well, the person who gets behind the wheel of a car with a blood alcohol level over the legal limit might think, “I’m only going a mile down the road, it’s a “calculated” risk.” The proper response is not to congratulate him for his calculations. It’s to lock him up. You are being honest about your willingness to risk your health and the health of other people. The honest response to you is that your conduct doesn’t deserve to be affirmed, either. Something that’s wrong doesn’t become right because you only do it a little bit. The goal should be to not do it at all. If you mess up, fine, you’re human, but you should be *trying*, not pretending that what you’re doing is OK. The common thread among all these “let’s open a dialogue, let’s be honest, let’s talk about what’s really going on” posts is a desire to have one’s unsafe sexual choices affirmed, to get them to be seen as just as valid as NOT risking one’s life and the life of one’s sexual partners. They are not just as valid. How about, from this day forward, becoming a part of the solution — putting the collective health of all people ahead of your own orgasms? Saying, “The risk that comes with ANY amount of unsafe sex is not worth it, because I value my health and the health of my fellow human beings more than that?” THAT is a position worth affirming. And it certainly isn’t too much to ask of people. Why aren’t we asking it? Because it requires some amount of self-sacrifice, of giving up something that’s “hot” or “feels good”? Are we really that incapable of restraining our impulses and selfish wants? Well, if you are, you are, but obviously such an attitude is not deserving of affirmation. It’s not worthy of anything but contempt.