1.
When your friends give you really vague plans because ugh they don't want to see you so stop asking.
2.
When you plug something into an outlet, you momentarily reminisce about what a great life you had.
3.
When the elevator stops for a minute and oh my god you're trapped.
4.
When someone borrows your phone and you just know they're going to drop it.
5.
Avoiding sidewalk grates into which you will most definitely plummet to your death.
6.
That certain someone you like texts back with "k" and that means they never want to see you again.
7.
When something brushes against your skin and jesus christ it's a spider.
8.
Sending an email to the right person but you ABSOLUTELY SWEAR you sent it to someone else.
9.
Thinking you didn't lock your door and going back because you will get robbed.
10.
Nearly having palpitations when it's late and that person behind you is definitely stalking you.
11.
Turning off the lights and running THE FUCK back to bed before creatures from hell get you.
12.
Thinking every little sound at night is a serial killer that broke into the house.
13.
Getting into your car and checking the backseat for the psycho that's hiding back there.
14.
Hitting a speed bump in the road is actually you killing an animal and taking away a precious life.
15.
Hearing the plane engine make a noise and everyone is certainly going to die.
16.
Constantly hitting save because your computer will suddenly delete everything you love.
17.
Changing all your answers on a scantron because there's NO WAY that there should be 5 B's in a row.
18.
When someone borrows your computer, they'll definitely see your entire embarrassing Internet history.
19.
You have a stomachache so chances are you have appendicitis.
20.
Fast-forwarding through a YouTube video before watching it because something will pop up, you just know it.
21.
Feeling your knees turn to mush at 57 (or 5) floors above the ground because you will probably fall and die.
22.
Setting multiple alarms because you'll never wake up and snooze every single one.
23.
Whenever someone is late, it's clearly because they're in mortal peril.
24.
You failed to kill that giant centipede, so it'll come and devour you in your sleep.
25.
Avoiding looking into the bathroom mirror late at night because there's totally a demon behind you.
26.
And always: going into the bathroom and checking behind the shower curtain because there's definitely a murderer.
