The fiat money system is going to collapse along with a stock market propped up by inflationary central bank policy. What’s more useless than a dollar issued by a perfidious Federal Reserve? You have all your assets in the only thing you can trust: nobody. (and hopefully not Mt. Gox!)
If the market’s going up, down, or sideways, you always know the right trade. You have two loves in your life: your Scotttrade account and CNBC. You always can beat the market, right?
You got: Index Investor
You’re the model of prudence, conservatism, and long-term thinking. The only thing you look at in your investments is the expense ratio. You have nearly everything in a Vanguard target-date and aren’t even thinking about the markets for another few decades. Why waste money trading when you can make money by doing nearly nothing?
You got: Investing?
Umm, my paycheck is for paying rent and going out, not dumping into a 401(k). Mutual funds? Bottle service!