10 Do's And Don'ts Of Airline Travel

So you've bought your ticket, you've put on your finest sweatpants, and you've taken a few Xanax…you're ready for your flight right? WRONG. Make sure you've first read up on the following do's and don'ts of flying.

1. DO make use of free alcoholic drinks on long haul flights.

Long haul flights have free alcoholic drinks so make use of them! I paid $1,200 for this flight, someone (ME) better be smashed by the end of it...

2. DON'T bring this as your carry-on.

Don't even try it. Everyone WILL hate you. I don't care if you spent all of your extra money on THE perfect summer maxi dress. Stop being cheap and check your bag.

3. DON'T line up to board too early.

I know for a fact that not all of you are first class passengers, DO NOT line up to board when they are "pre-boarding" first class passengers.

"Ma'am you have a Disneyland sweatshirt on, sit your a** back down."

4. DO treat your in flight meal like gold, it’s all you’ll be eating for a while.

Lukewarm chicken AND some mushy green stuff!? It must be my birthday!

5. DON'T block the window with your big a** head if you have the window seat.

You WILL make your neighbors want to kill you. One of them might actually do it.

Selfish, little ba***rd.

6. DO flirt with the flight attendants (male or female).

Lay on the charm! They have access to the galley, and a little chocolate or a roll with butter goes a long way on a 14-hour flight. (Plus, it's not gay if it's over international waters.)

7. DO travel with your friend NyQuil.

If you decide to take a ton of Nyquil so you can sleep through your whole flight make sure you commit! I'm talking MINIMUM HALF A BOTTLE! I'd rather sit next to someone passed the hell out from half a bottle of Nyquil than some lethargic zombie who enjoys talking to himself (or worse ME) for 8 hours because he only took two servings of Nyquil. If it's good enough for Super Bowl champion Drew Brees, it's good enough for you.

8. DON'T be greedy with unfilled rows on overnight flights.

I know that whole row looks like heaven! Just think of all the sleeping space you'll have, all the tables for eating, not to mention 4 pillows and 4 blankets…hello ghetto first class! But if there are open rows on an overnight flight, proper etiquette dictates that those rows are fair game to any passenger ONLY after the fasten seatbelt sign is turned off. So watch that light closely. And then do whatever you have to so you can get a whole row to yourself. Elbowing elderly women is fair game…she knew what she was getting into.

9. DO keep your unpleasant bodily functions to a minimum.

This shouldn't even need to be said.

10. DO get your airplane buzz on.

Airplane drunk is like day drunk. It's classy AND acceptable.