100 Or So Actual Phone Names

Can I interest you in purchasing a Samsung Smiley :)? Or perhaps a Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD? Yes, those are real names of real phones.

There a lot of phones out there. SO MANY PHONES. But just how many phones? And who’s making all those phones? And maybe more importantly, who’s naming all those phones?

These are all phones that have been listed on phone manufacturers’ or carriers’ sites in the last month, or have been recently announced and will exist soon. Can you figure out what any of them are, without looking?

Apple iPhone 3GS
Apple iPhone 4
Apple iPhone 4S

BlackBerry Bold 9900/9930
BlackBerry Curve 3G
BlackBerry Curve 9350/9360/9370
BlackBerry Pearl 3G
BlackBerry Porche Design P’9981
BlackBerry Torch 9800/9810

HTC Desire
HTC Desire HD
HTC Droid Incredible 2
HTC Evo 3D
HTC Evo Design 4G
HTC Hero
HTC Inspire 4G
HTC Merge
HTC One S
HTC One V
HTC One X
HTC Ozone
HTC Rezound
HTC Rhyme
HTC Sensation
HTC Status
HTC T-Mobile G2 Touch
HTC T-Mobile myTouch 4G
HTC T-Mobile myTouch 4G Slide
HTC Tattoo
HTC Touch Cruise
HTC Wildfire

LG Banter
LG Banter Touch
LG Chocolate Touch
LG Cosmos
LG Cosmos Touch
LG Muzq
LG myTouch Q
LG Optimus 4X HD
LG Optimus 3D Cube
LG Optimus 3D Max
LG Optimus One
LG Optimus 2
LG Optimus Slider
LG Optimus S
LG Optimus M
LG Optimus T
LG Optimus Vu
LG dLite
LG Rumor Touch
LG Wine 2

Motorola Bali
Motorola Brute
Motorola Droid 2 Global
Motorola Droid 3
Motorola Droid 4
Motorola Droid Bionic
Motorola Droid Pro
Motorola Droid RAZR
Motorola Droid RAZR Maxx
Motorola Droid X2
Motorola Electrify
Motorola Milestone X
Motorola Photon 4G
Motorola Triumph
Motorola XPRT

Samsung :) t359
Samsung Admire
Samsung Captivate
Samsung Captivate Glide
Samsung Character
Samsung Conquer 4G
Samsung Epic 4G
Samsung Eternity II
Samsung Fascinate
Samsung Flight II
Samsung Illusion
Samsung Indulge
Samsung Intensity
Samsung Galaxy Ace 2
Samsung Galaxy Attain 4G
Samsung Galaxy Beam
Samsung Galaxy Indulge
Samsung Galaxy mini
Samsung Galaxy mini 2
Samsung Galaxy Nexus
Samsung Galaxy Note
Samsung Galaxy Precedent
Samsung Galaxy Prevail
Samsung Galaxy S
Samsung Galaxy S Advance
Samsugn Galaxy S Aviator
Samsung Galaxy S Blaze 4G
Samsung Galaxy S Beam
Samsung Galaxy S II
Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket
Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD
Samsung Galaxy S Plus
Samsung Galaxy Y Pro
Samsung Stratosphere a Galaxy S Phone
Samsung Gravity Smart
Samsung Gusto
Samsung Mezmerize
Samsung Reality
Samsung Replenish
Samsung Repp
Samsung Smiley :)
Samsung Suede
Samsung Transform Ultra
Samsung Vitality

So what’s the point? Well, partly it’s the increasingly ridiculous way phones are branded. There’s pressure, on the one hand, to have a single identifiable brand, like the iPhone. Which is why Samsung pushes Galaxy, HTC’s announced the One, and Motorola’s got Droid. That’s good. But from other direction is the drive to make more phones for more people, which, in concert with this tech spec arms race that’s giving us 4G phones even where no 4G exists, or 3D phones that nobody wants, you wind up with monstrosities of branding like the “Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD.” Say that out loud. That is a real thing. You can pay a lot of money for it.

The other point is that there are still too many damn phones. We may just run out of absurd things to call phones soon! (And what does calling a phone “Incredible” or “Fascinate” mean? Are these particularly phones in fact fascinating or incredible? Having used them, the answer is no.) Some of those companies even admit they make too many things and say they’re going to try to make fewer phones. We’ll see. But hopefully this time next year, we’ll just have a list of 50 phones. And the names will either be very smart, or very, very dumb. Either way, we win.

Image: CC licensed, Matthijs/Flickr

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