1. Everyone in America is basically like OMG SUPER BOWL SUNDAY. FOOTBALL. FUN.
3. Except deep down, you’re about *this* excited for the Super Bowl:
4. Of course, your friends are like NOOO c’mon let’s have a Super Bowl party wahhh.
6. But then your friends are like “JUST football?! … what is WRONG with you!? You’re coming to my party!”
8. So then you have to actually shower yourself, which is just a waste of a good shower-less Sunday.
10. And even more drinks, ‘cause everybody eats and drinks way more at a Super Bowl party for some reason.
11. And then you go to the party and there’s like a hundred people there.
12. And everyone goes crazy whenever any important football thing happens.
15. And you’re like, “STOP. I just want to be at home, in bed, eating cheese.”
18. But… at least there’s delicious Super Bowl snacks.
19. And you can still get drunk.
20. Even though lying around and doing nothing is still preferable because it’s Sunday and you probably have work the next day.
21. In conclusion, NO THANKS, SUPER BOWL.
In The News Today
- The U.S., Japan, and 10 other Pacific Rim nations have agreed to a historic trade deal encompassing 40% of the world's economy. ›
- California has become the fifth U.S. state to legalize physician-assisted suicide for terminally ill patients. ›
- CC Sabathia, a pitcher for the playoff-bound New York Yankees, says he's checking himself into an alcohol rehab center. ›