54 Reasons The German World Cup Team Might Actually Be The Hottest World Cup Team

Move over, Spain. You got competition.

1. To start off, the Germans have this babe-faced hunklet named Manuel Neuer.

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2. They have Manuel’s smooth babe-like face and stern babe-like eyes.

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3. They have his incredible babe-like selfie-taking face.

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4. And, of course, they have all of the German babeness that can squeeze into this tight sweaty undershirt.

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5. They also have this beautiful fuzzy flower named Benedikt Hoewedes.

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6. And all of Benedikt’s flawless field work.

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7. But mostly, all of his adorable, fuzzy-faced, wispy-haired, doe-eyed grace and beauty.

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8. They have actual angelic cherub hunk Julian Draxler.

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9. They have Julian’s perfect, long hunk hams.

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10. They have all of this beauty getting out of a fancy-looking car.

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11. And all of his flawless babe-like freshness.

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12. And all of his glowing god-like form emerging from the depths of the waters like an actual statue made smooth yet hard by the depths of the seas.

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13. Probably most importantly, they have actual German man sculpture Mats Hummels.

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14. They have his rock-like German jaw and sword-like cheekbones and flowing black hair.

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15. They have his actual angelic smile.

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16. And they have all of his statuesque German babeness glowing like a plump pretzel fresh from the oven, warm and soft.

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17. They have all this slow-motion liquid-gulping, thirst-quenching seduction.

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18. They have all this slow-motion liquid-gulping, thirst-quenching seduction.

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19. They have all of his sweaty, towel-wearing, trophy-holding gorgeousness.

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20. They have all of this shirtless, slow-clapping poise and finesse.

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21. And basically all of this literal perfection.

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22. They also have the strapping husky bulk of a German godlike statue named Bastian Schweinsteiger.

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23. And all of Bastian’s freeness.

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24. And all of his angry, I’m-gonna-tear-off-my-shirt-just-because-I-can hunkness.

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25. And basically all of his “standing around with the guys, but I had to take my shirt off because that’s how I’m most comfortable” realness.

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26. They also have ginger babe Andre Schuerrle and his beautiful, flowing ginger hair and ginger scruff.

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27. They have his smooth babe-like face.

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28. And his “I still look good even though I basically took this selfie from the worst angle” abilities.

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29. And all of this beautiful, dripping, tall, cold stein of beer gorgeousness.

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30. Also they have actual rock-like man boulder Lukas Podolski.

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31. And all of Lukas’ casually seductively licking-the-rain-with-his-muscles-out abilities.

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32. They have his smoldering, fuzzy-faced stare.

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33. The casual strolling about with my flat stomach just casually deflecting the atmosphere with its flatness.

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34. They have all of this hunky muscle.

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35. And this beautiful selfie-taking face.

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36. They have actual models even though they’re just casually strolling around at the beach Ron-Robert ZIeler and Mesut Ozil.

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37. And Mesut’s actual godlike stomach.

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38. They have Philipp Lahm’s casually perfect eyebrow game.

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39. And Shkodran Mustafi’s casually flawless facial hair game.

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40. And Toni Kroos’s casually “I look perfect even though I’m running very fast” game.

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41. And Cristoph Kramer’s casually perfect everything.

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42. They have actual babe wonder Erik Durm.

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43. And all of his shirt-removing capabilities.

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44. But especially his slurping-from-a-watermelon-while-shirtless capabilities.

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45. And basically all of his inability to keep his shirt on while also remaining quenched.

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46. They have the adorable beauty and grace that is Mario Goetze.

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47. They have Mario’s adorable little blond hair and his little face and all his little scruffy hairs.

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48. They have his actual perfect beach body.

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49. Like, actually perfect, wurst-sizzling bod.

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50. And basically all of his adorable but also steamy selfies.

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51. They have the actual all-around perfection that is Jerome Boateng.

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52. They have all of this perfection combined.

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53. Basically just hotness squared and then doubled and then squared again.

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54. They have these flawless German legs and feet and all-around steaminess.

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55. And basically they have all of this babeness crammed into one team and it is perfect.

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BONUS: Here’s German Chancellor Angela Merkel happily posing with all of this German perfection after their World Cup victory over Portugal.

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The beautifully bearded German hunk in 38 is Shkodran Mustafi, not Per Mertesacker, even though he is also flawless.

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