1. SERIOUSLY DO YOU REMEMBER THIS HAT?!
I MEAN, HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!
2. Aretha came waltzing out of the Capitol building…
3. …with this glimmering beacon of beauty shining brightly atop her perfectly round head.
4. She raised her arm in triumph.
5. And started belting some patriotic melody.
6. BUT NOBODY CARED ABOUT THE SINGING BECAUSE LOOK AT THE HAT.
7. THIS HAT WAS THE CRAFTMANSHIP OF SOME WONDROUS GOD.
8. Shining brightly with the luminance of a thousand moons.
9. YOU COULD SEE THIS BAD GIRL FROM SPACE.
10. WHAT A BLESSÉD PIECE OF HEADWARE.
11. What a groundbreaking statement of patriotism.
12. We will never forget this historic day.
13. NEVER. FORGET.
14. (until Beyoncé whips out a shimmering hat of her own.)
15. But until that day, we will have this glistening, glimmering memory.
16. That is all.
Thank you and God Bless America.