1. “We wrote about this cat that came to the office who’s kind of a big deal.”
We threw a party for him and everything.
2. “We wrote about sports ‘n’ stuff.”
(I mean, who else was gonna ask this, Dad? Huh? WHO?)
3. “We wrote about this really important athlete who’s, like, really really important.”
(And he’s gonna marry me someday, I promise.)
6. “We wrote about this time the Lion King happened in real life at the office.”
“C’mon, Mom, there was a lion, a monkey, AND a warthog!”
12. “We wrote about this little girl who, like, took over America.”
Honey Boo Boo is basically part of our family.
14. “And things people really love.”
EVERYBODY LOVES JENNIFER LAWRENCE MOM, DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
18. “And, most importantly, butts.”
YES, THIS IS SHAMELESS SELF PROMO, BUT BUTTS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND BUZZFEED NOW, MOM AND DAD?!
- The Taliban has appointed Mullah Akhtar Mansour as its new Afghan leader.
- Airplane debris discovered Wednesday "very likely" belongs to the same type of aircraft as missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
- A University of Cincinnati officer has been charged with murder for shooting Samuel Dubose, an unarmed black man.
- Uber drivers near the International Airport of Mexico City were pelted with rocks, sticks, eggs, and flour on Wednesday. Local authorities are investigating.