1. “We wrote about this cat that came to the office who’s kind of a big deal.”
We threw a party for him and everything.
2. “We wrote about sports ‘n’ stuff.”
(I mean, who else was gonna ask this, Dad? Huh? WHO?)
3. “We wrote about this really important athlete who’s, like, really really important.”
(And he’s gonna marry me someday, I promise.)
6. “We wrote about this time the Lion King happened in real life at the office.”
“C’mon, Mom, there was a lion, a monkey, AND a warthog!”
12. “We wrote about this little girl who, like, took over America.”
Honey Boo Boo is basically part of our family.
14. “And things people really love.”
EVERYBODY LOVES JENNIFER LAWRENCE MOM, DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!
18. “And, most importantly, butts.”
YES, THIS IS SHAMELESS SELF PROMO, BUT BUTTS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT.