August is hot. Some people enjoy the heat, but for sweaty gals like me, it’s a month long perspiration fest.
If you see one of us struggling in the heat, please don’t ever ask a question on this list.
It will probably result in a sweaty palmed bitch slap.
1. “Why are you so sweaty?”
It’s a hundred and five degrees asshole. I’m sweaty because it’s hot.
2. “Are you extra sensitive to heat?”
Extra sensitive? Since when is it not normal to sweat?
3. “Have you always been one of those girls who sweats a lot?”
Yes honey, I came out of the womb glowing.
4. “How do you stay hydrated?”
Um, by drinking water.
5. “Did you just come from the gym?”
I’m wearing jeans and boots, what part of that says work-out wear to you?
6. “Do you want to take a bikram yoga class?”
Not unless you have a giant ShamWow for me to lay over my yoga mat.
7. “Is it raining?”
Nope. I’m covered in sweat, not rainwater.
8. “My car has black leather seats, do you mind?”
Not if you don’t mind a wet imprint in the shape of my ass.
9. “Should I turn on the air conditioning?”
What do you mean, “turn on?”
Why have we been driving for 10 minutes with warm air blowing in my face?
10. “Doesn’t botox kill sweat glands?”
11. “We just got inside, are you really hot already?”
Busy night clubs without proper ventilation are a sweaty girl’s worst nightmare.
12. “Do you need to use the rest room?”
I’ve got over active sweat glands you moron, not an over active bladder.
13. “Have you ever tried shine control powder?”
Girl, I reapplied like fifteen minutes ago.
14. “Have you tried wearing more cotton?”
It doesn’t matter if I’m wearing a bikini, I’m still gonna sweat.
15. “Do you ever stop sweating?”
There’s no need to throw shade.
16. “Why don’t you get one of those personal cooling devices?”
Because I’m already drawing enough attention to myself.
17. “Do you have a fever?”
Can’t a girl glisten without being rushed to the ER?
18. “Was your mom a sweaty girl too?”
Yes, she was, but who gave you permission to talk about my mama?
I love you mom ;)
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