We Asked Non-Italians To React To Pictures Of Italian Things And This Is What Happened

Where you learn that Beppe Grillo is actually "Steven Spielberg's fun cousin."

We sent 13 uncaptioned photos of Italian stuff to BuzzFeed offices in Mexico, the US, Australia, Brazil, Canada and the UK and asked them to write down their immediate thoughts. This is what they said:

Espresso: "That's mud."

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Grace (NYC): That's mud.

Ben (London): I hope you didn't have to pay for that thimble.

Hayes (DC): How the eff do Italians have that much energy when they drink teeny tiny espressos like this? Is it like black hole density or something?

Chris (NYC): Something that would wreck my insides.

Daniela (NYC): The best way to do coffee.

Rebecca (NYC): I need this everyday at 7:30 AM.

Gregory (NYC): Better than Starbucks.

Sarah (Toronto): Gimme dis.

Silvio Berlusconi: "He's far too orange to be trusted."

GABRIEL BOUYS/AFP / Getty Images

Jessica (NYC): I have no idea who he is :/. Maybe a politician? The Prime Minister? He looks so grumpy! Homie needs some Nutella in his life.

Sarah (Toronto): Probably some politician or a movie actor?

Jon-Michael (NYC): A guy who auditioned for The Godfather and was turned down.

Hayes (DC): Bunga bunga.

Conz (NYC): The biggest womanizer ever and the least fit person to run a country. Also, lay off the spray tan Mr Oompa Loompa.

Grace (NYC): Someone spray painted this guy's hair and face.

Chris (NYC): Whoever he is, he is frightening close to blending into the background.

Sami (NY): He's far too orange to be trusted.

Vespa: "This is how all Italians get around."

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Hayes (DC): This is how all Italians get around. To quote Eddie Izzard, all of you just ride around on these with no helmets going "ciao"

Rebecca (NYC): ~This is what DREEEAMMMSSSS are made of ~

Bibi (Mexico): I have always dreamt of driving a Vespa.

Sami (NYC): Ugh, this looks so quaint and I love it.

Anna (Australia): The ultimate romance in my head.

Jon-Michael (NYC): Never waiting in traffic again.

Daniela (NYC): An accident waiting to happen.

Mi fa cagare*: "I want beef."

BuzzFeed

What do you think this means?

Rebecca (NYC): In my head it rhymes with "It's my Ferrari" so I'm going to go with that.

Hayes (DC): I am a cougar?

Bibi (Mexico): ¿yo mama?

Adam (NYC): My father is cargo.

Sarah (Toronto): I want beef.

Candice (LA): Go to prison.

Grace (NYC): MY GARAGE!

Ben (London): Give me my cigar, punk.

Jessica (NYC): It probably means, "I'm going to shit on you".

Daniela (NYC): Something with poop.

Conz (NYC): It makes me shit.

*What it actually means: Literally "it makes me shit," but it's used the same way "it makes me wanna throw up" is used in English – when something is awful or annoying.

Beppe Grillo: "Italian Santa Claus."

Marco Bertorello / Getty Images

Rebecca (NYC): Some famous person that became famous for his amazing hair. Seriously, what product is he using?

Grace (NYC): Steven Spielberg's fun cousin.

Sarah (Toronto): The Italian version of Steven Spielberg.

Conz (NYC): Steven Spielberg after a long vacation in Sicily.

Gregory (NYC): An older looking Italian Steven Spielberg/George Lucas with a lot of cameras in his face.

Hayes (DC): Is this the Italian-version of George Lucas?

Bibi (Mexico): The Italian George Lucas.

Sami (NYC): The Italian George Lucas.

Daniela (NYC): Italian Santa Claus.

Lasagna: "This is what Jesus died for."

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Adam (NYC): Honestly...meh.

Grace (NYC): I honestly can't tell if this is a dessert or lasagna.

Ben (London): This is what Jesus died for. He imagined a day where we would be able to live freely amongst ALL the foods.

Daniela (NYC): All is right in the world.

Jessica (NYC): I need to move to Italy and eat everything I see ASAP.

Sarah (Toronto): My body is ready.

Jon-Michael (NYC): GET IN MY BELLY

Che palle*: "Let's party!"

BuzzFeed

What do you think this means?

Ben (London): Where's the paella?

Conz (NYC): Whats' up?

Rebecca (NYC): Let's party!

Gregory (NYC): You did it!!!

Sarah (Toronto): Wait up!

Sami (NYC): How funny!

Candice (LA): Hello beautiful!

Juliana (Brazil): This looks very entertaining!

*What it actually means: Literally "what balls" – used to talk about something boring or annoying.

Monica Bellucci: "The most beautiful woman on earth."

Studio Harcourt / Via fr.wikipedia.org

Sami (NY): She looks like she could be a famous actress or model, maybe. She seems nice, though, very kind.

Candice (LA): She's gorgeous, whoever she is.

Juliana (Brazil): She must be a TV show host.

Jessica (NYC): She looks like a model/superstar. I get a good vibe from her. I would TOTALLY share a slice of pizza with her.

Bibi (Mexico): She is over the top beautiful. Irreversible, tho.

Conz (NYC): The most beautiful woman on earth.

Tiramisu: "I would do unspeakable things to eat this."

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Rebecca (NYC): Okay now I'm starving.

Jessica (NYC): My mouth is watering.

Gregory (NYC): My gaaaaawwwwd!

Hayes (DC): #sext

Bibi (Mexico): Mascarpone love.

Sarah (Toronto): I would do unspeakable things to eat this.

Sami (NYC): LITERALLY BURY ME IN TIRAMISU. PLEASE. THAT'S ALL I WANT.

Nutella: "Peak civilization."

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Anna (Australia): The best Italian export OF ALL TIME!

Jon-Michael (NYC): Peak civilization.

Grace (NY): Obviously great. It's Nutella. It's universal.

Bon (London): Jesus is real. So so real.

Conz (NYC): My belly is making noises, I want all of it in my belly now.

Rebecca (NYC): Now craving Nutella anything.

Hayes (DC): I want a spoon and the privacy of my own home where nobody can see the shame I am about to bring on myself.

Cinque Terre: "God damn that's picturesque."

Emicristea / Getty Images

Grace (NYC): I don't want to talk about this picture. I'm too jealous.

Jessica (NYC): It looks magical. I obviously need to move to Italy.

Hayes (DC): I want to go to there and learn about how life is a miracle or something.

Adam (NYC): God damn that's picturesque.

Candice (LA): I want to go to there.

Juliana (Brazil): I want to spend the next 3 months there. Is this possible?

Ben (London): Now I understand why the UK can't be pretty.

Bad parking: "Parking lessons, anyone?"

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Daniela (NYC): There are no parking rules in Italy.

Conz (NYC): Regular day in Rome.

Grace (NYC): RUDE.

Adam (NYC): These people need to learn how to park their damn cars.

Sarah (Toronto): Seems totally legit and legal.

Hayes (DC): Everyone knows that curbs are more like guidelines.

Bibi (Mexico): This actually reminds me of home.

Juliana (Brazil): Parking lessons, anyone?

Mario Balotelli: "He's one hell of a soccer player."

Paolo Bruno / Getty Images

Sarah (Toronto): He's a retired athlete that is now a model and rockstar.

Chris (NYC): I'm assuming he's a soccer player, and he is just remembering that he has a game today.

Daniela (NYC): That's Mario Balotelli and he's hilarious.

Conz (NYC): <3 I can't say best soccer player because, Messi, but he's got the best attitude that a soccer player can have.

Rebecca (NYC): This is the famous soccer player with ~attitude~ and hair goals.

Gregory (NYC): Don't know his name....but he's one hell of a soccer player.