Music

9 Times Courtney Love Was Actually A Mythological Creature

She’s the girl with the most cake. AND SHE WILL LIVE FOREVER.

This is Courtney Love.

Musician, actress, model, author, Love is best known for her work as the frontwoman of grunge band Hole (and her marriage to Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain.) She’s basically the biggest badass around. She’s so cool, I’m pretty sure she’s not human. No, I’m positive she’s isn’t — Courtney Love is a supernatural, immortal, perfect being.

1. And sometimes she is Charybdis.

As the legend goes in the Odyssey, Charybdis inhales water and later spits it out, creating fatal whirlpools. Love inhales tobacco and later spits out a biting retort to lame-os. Science.

But that’s not all…

You can’t deny her fiery personality.

2. Sometimes she’s a Phoenix.

“Go on take everything”? It’s an invitation to take her life which is totes cool because she’ll be born again from the ashes. Reincarnation never looked better.

See what I mean?

A beauty.

3. She’s a total nymph.

There are striking similarities in the sexual connotations/behavior of both Courtney Love and nymphs, namely that no man can control them and they can do (/sleep with) whoever they want.

So, innocence is… well… not really her bag.

It’s all about alternative seduction. Talkin’ dirty.

4. Which makes her a siren!

OK, ok, so saying you’re not a slut like them isn’t necessarily a compliment, but it is enticing. I’d move a little closer.

And that’s when she would attack.

Those are fighting words.

5. And if she were one of the Gorgons, she’d be Stheno.

The Gorgons were a trio of snake-haired sisters. Stheno was the most murderous. It’s pretty obvious.

Because she slays… GUITARS.

With great power…

6. She’s as powerful as Athena.

Based on the understanding that “goddess of wisdom” can be substituted for “frontwoman for very important grunge band.” Plus, wisdom is kind of like shredding. Kind of.

But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have moments of vulnerability.

But if something gets her down, you better believe she’ll get back at the person who caused her pain.

7. Which makes her a little devious, like Mormo.

In Greek mythology, Mormo was a vampiric woman who bit misbehaving children. It’s not something you want to do, but something you have to. The result is anguish, and look at that concerned Love. I feel for you, girl!

It’s hard being at the top.

Especially when you’re as dynamic as Ms. Love.

8. There’s no way she doesn’t have a little Aphrodite in her.

She is Miss World, but you cannot kill her.

BECAUSE SHE WILL LIVE FOREVER.

Immortal, but still strange—Courtney recently claimed that this image is of her “inner geisha, following sex with mad kabuki warrior face.”

9. Which mostly makes her Yuki-onna.

According to Japanese folklore, Yuki-onna is a beautiful pale woman that appears when someone is approaching death in the snow. While sex is not death, there’s something of an analogy here, I’m sure.

May our rock ‘n’ roll queen live on!

And how!

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