1. No audition will ever again be absurd enough to shock you.
2. You prayed before every concert that you wouldn’t have to stand next to the vocal percussionist.
3. You spent the first few weeks of college locked in practice rooms, running from audition to audition with a thermos of tea.
4. Walking around campus in formalwear, en route to a gig, was NBD.
Photo by Brenna Hughes Neghaiwi
5. Your daily mood hinged on any of these things:
1. Your vocal range for the day
2. Progress made on your latest song arrangement
3. The success of your last solo
7. From time to time, this seems like a fulfilling evening.
8. Nonsense syllables began to replace complete thoughts after a bit too much rehearsal.
9. You learned how to read every twitch of your pitch’s face to determine how well things were going mid-performance.
10. Nothing came between you and the most talented freshmen. NOTHING.
11. You’ve known the suffering of stuffing the whole group into two cars to get to an off-campus gig.
12. You no longer can sing the melody to most of your favorite songs.
13. “Aca-” seemed like an appropriate prefix for almost anything:
To describe rivalry, bureaucratic strife, and high-stakes belting:
14. You were hard-pressed to think of anyone who never fell prey to “aca-cest.”
15. You’ve experienced romantic obsession based purely on musical talent.
16. You know the existential terror of saving changes to your arrangement.
What is about to happen???!!!
17. You’ve spent so long locked in a dank room for auditions and callbacks that you’ve come to question your sanity.
Photo by Eileen Palmer
18. When non-a cappella friends wanted to hang out, your answer was usually:
19. During audition season, you mastered the cordial stink-eye for members of “rival” groups.
20. You are less offended by the traditional F-word than the other F-word…
21. Someone forgot their attire, and it was awkward for everybody.
22. You’ve forgotten that “Whiffenpoof” is actually a ridiculous word.
24. You can’t go anywhere with anyone else in your group without singing (in five parts, obviously).
26. As an alum, photos of new members that pop up on Facebook inspire unbearable nostalgia.
27. “Holy Night” (Season 4, Ep. 11) is your favorite episode of The West Wing, for reasons that need not be clarified.
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