3. EXHIBIT A: Sugar gliders may have a sweet tooth, but they are also omnivores, meaning they basically eat anything (like a garbage disposal…GROSS). The gentle-souled wombat, by contrast, is a strict herbivore and eats mainly grasses and roots.
Look at this gentle-eyed wombat looking deep into your soul. -Marcelle Friedman
5. Not only are they vegetarians. They bring solace to those in need:
6. EXHIBIT B: When Sugar Gliders launch themselves from one place to the next, the webbing between their arms and back legs acts as a parachute. So, in other words, they can fly.
They can also regulate the glide down by moving their arms and legs, like a rudder, because they’re total bosses.
10. EXHIBIT C: The sheer fact that sugar gliders would attempt selfies just proves they are vain, self-obsessed creatures. Wombats, on the other hand, are full of compassion and make the best friends.
Look at this selfless critter posing with his namesake bandmates. What a patient little mate!
17. Anzac was ousted from his mother’s pouch three months premature, but dear wombat Peggy is now his loyal companion. They snuggle together at nighttime. WOMBAT CUTENESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS.
Read more about their beautiful friendship here.
18. Exhibit E: This video of a Sugar Glider that Macklemore recently called “A triumph of rapping greatness.”
19. EXHIBIT E: Rapper? Let’s be real people. That sugar glider is just chewing creepily. No one should trust a critter with such huge reflective eyes or Cruella De Vil fingernails.
To restore your faith in marsupials, WATCH THIS VIDEO of the snuggliest furry wombat CUDDLING A HUMAN.
If you’re short on time, cut to 1:12, when things get so cute you might just die by aww-overload.
DID YOU WATCH? If so, and you haven’t made up your mind yet, there may be no hope for you.
21. EXHIBIT F: Did I mention that Sugar Gliders love to give kisses?
32. Closing Arguments:
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