1. What up. I’m Smash.
For the most part my life has been pretty chill. But man sometimes shit gets rough, ya know? Here are some of my biggest complaints in life.
2. People who talk about their workouts on Facebook
I like to run too, OK. But unless you soiled yourself or fell off the treadmill I don’t need to hear about it. I also hate when people post pictures of their dinner - oh and their pets. No. One. Cares.
3. Hot rocks & no sandals
It’s like I’m walking on actual FIRE!
4. I can’t drink like I used to
What used to take a cheeseburger and cat nap to get over now takes THREE DAYS!!!
5. Missing socks
Does my dryer eat them? How come it’s always just one from the set too? I feel like it wouldn’t bug me so much if I was missing the entire pair.
6. This game - it’s NOT FUN for me OK!
Please take a moment to understand - this HORRIFIES me.
7. People who don’t clean their butts
Oh I’m sorry that you don’t know how to use an ashtray - let me pick those up for you. With my handy opposable thumb.
8. Carb crashes…
That second cupcake seemed like a good idea at the time?
9. One stupid Snap-Chat and now my ass is on the internet forever
Isn’t it some unsaid rule that you don’t take a screen shot?
10. When wannabes act like they know about the Chug life…
Let it be known that the Chug life chooses you.
11. That Sarah McLachlan animal rescue commercial…
One day I will either learn to use the remote and turn it off or figure out a way to choke back these tears.
12. Showtime cancelled ‘The United States of Tera’
It was getting so good too…
13. I got humped by a girl in a dress!
Not my most manly moment
14. My sister hates me
But I guess to be fair she does hate everyone
15. My lack of balls
Yeah, that day was basically the worst. Ever.
16. Kids are always ruining things
17. I have a zit that looks like a Herpe!
18. I’m not allowed in the house with my favorite snack
Here just taste it. It doesn’t smell so bad once you experience the deliciousness.
19. I have to keep the door open when I have girls over
I guess maybe the folks like to watch or something?
20. When I forget to check my to-go order and they get it wrong…
Who forgets the relish?
21. My neck fat
22. Alarm clocks… oh and mornings in general
What is that horrendous buzzing noise at 6 a.m.!?!?!
23. Shaming and judgements…
So maybe you don’t eat poop? I don’t judge you for that? Why you gotta be making me feel bad for enjoying a dried turd every once in awhile?
Some nights I just can’t get in my Zen place and get comfy.
26. Tan lines
27. People who don’t share
28. People who don’t share and then think they’re gonna eat my leftovers for lunch
It’s called Karma
I know I already said that - but I really hate them.
30. Now this. This I can get on board with.
Not but a care in the world!