14 Ways Recent Grads Are Actually Mr. Krabs

How post-grad life has turned you into a cheap, nostalgic old crustacean.

1. You’ve said goodbye to all your college friends

I’ve never felt such a strange combination of pity and indigestion.

2. And suddenly nothing in life makes sense anymore

Because screw logic!

3. You’re out on your own and trying to make it in the “real world”

METAPHOR

4. But you still don’t really know what the hell you’re doing

5. You get your first post-grad paycheck

I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready for me money.

6. But fancy living is hard with all those student loans

Wait! Don’t shoot! Okay, okay, shoot me, but don’t take me money!

7. Life at home isn’t as fun as you remembered

8. And you feel surprisingly old when hearing college freshman talk about starting school

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9. Whether you’re hired for your first “grown-up” job…

They like me! They really like me!

10. …Or not…

I was the head chef on the S.S. Diarrhea.

11. Either way, you’re already reminiscing about your college days

12. You’ve forgotten how to meet people outside of campus

Hello, I’m Mr. Krabs, and I like money.

13. And you try to resist your parents’ unsolicited advice

What’s with all this change nonsense??

14. But the only thing that makes you feel better is reuniting with old friends

Three cheers for feeling sorry for ourselves!

So what’s the secret to success after college?

Who knows? All you can do is work hard and hang in there

But don’t sweat it, because you’re Eugene H. Krabs, and you’re awesome.

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