1. EVERYTHING in this video
The song selection, stripper moves, horrified family members, and bandannas make this wedding hilariously tragic.
2. Host themed weddings
Look, themed events are fun. Dressing up is fun. But, painting your face green for your wedding is tacky, and quite frankly, scary.
3. Honeymoon jars
Wedding guests commuted to your wedding, purchased a gift, paid for lodging, bought an outfit to wear, and you’re still asking them for money? Seriously, check yourselves.
4. The Chicken Dance
Unless you are a Bluth or at a middle school dance, there is no reason for you to do the Chicken Dance.
5. Cake smash
So much is wrong in this picture - confederate flag man sticks out most - but let’s focus on the massive amount of cake that bride is suffocating on. Cake smashes make a mess, are sticky, and are gross.
6. Toss the garter
You know, there’s just something unsettling about watching someone crawl under a bride’s dress, removing her garter, and flinging into a crowd of men. The little girl in the background knows what I’m talking about.
7. Give long, drunken speeches
The best man has had a few drinks and now thinks he’s Louis C.K. His seems to last longer than some marriages, and he’s proud of it. Meanwhile, everyone in attendance feels like punching him in the face. We’ve all been there.
8. Shoot guns
Some people take the expression “going out with a bang” a little too literally. Let’s just hope no one invites Dick Cheney.
9. Host the wedding or reception at a fast food restaurant
Weddings are expensive, and I can definitely understand planning on a budget. But, saying your vows over the sound of grease frying in the background? Can’t seem to rationalize that one.
10. Serve over-the-top wedding cakes
People have served some bizarre cakes at their weddings - cakes shaped like Jabba the Hut, dead deer, and robots - but none compare to this life-size dessert. I guess you could say it really takes the cake…
11. The Money Dance
This is even worse than the honeymoon jar. Instead of an inanimate object just sitting on a table, you are really trying, unashamedly, to get your guests’ money. You’re also inviting anyone to yell, “Dance, monkey, dance!”
12. Freak out
Weddings are stressful, but that doesn’t mean you can treat your friends and family like garbage. Calm down, princess.
13. Bouquet toss
People go nuts when the bride tosses her bouquet. Ladies who are eager to marry push and shove one another in order to catch the flowers, hoping wedding bells are in their near futures. Unfortunately for the chick above, her boyfriend was not about to entertain superstitious traditions.
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