“Well I feel like if pizza is your favorite drunk food then it says that you’re a real slice-of-life kind of guy or girl and that you’re ready to get your piece of the pie. It also means you’re ready to put it into your face as quickly as humanly possible.
If you make a pizzadilla, though, it says you couldn’t choose between pizza or a quesadilla so you got the best of both worlds by making them into one.”
2. “Sad Thai” Thai Food
“If Thai food is your favorite drunk food, it means that you are ready to go with wherever the night will take you, so it might be sweet, it might salty — either way, noodles are great.”
3. Macaroni and Cheese (With Peas)
“If you want to eat mac ‘n’ cheese and also mix it up with peas, it says that you are a peacemaker and you’re always the friend that’s resolving fights when people have had too much whiskey that night.”
4. French Fries
“If you’re craving fries that means that you want as many types of potatoes as humanly possible and you maybe want to go back to the beginning of the night and maybe start from starch and set a good base of potato for your tummy so when you drink you don’t puke.”
“If you eat vegetables when you’re drunk then you’re probably attractive. It also probably means that your organs are fully functioning and you’ve only had one drink and it was likely vodka or some white wine and you’re probably watching The Real Housewives.”
6. Huevos Rancheros
“If you’re eating huevos rancheros then it is morning time and you’re still drunk and you probably ordered mimosas.”
7. Indian Food
“Eating Indian food when you’re drunk means you are very well-traveled and have a diverse palate and you also won’t wake up as hungover because Indian food has a lot of turmeric and turmeric has a lot of anti-inflammatory properties. It’s basically like taking an aspirin. I’m a doctor!”
8. Ice Cream
“If you’re drunk and eating bowls and bowls of ice cream it means that you are my friend Sarah. It means that you’re a Disney princess and you’ve had your heart broken for the first time. It also means that you’re probably mourning a breakup and questionably drinking white wine under a blanket and watching Frozen.”
9. Chinese Food
“If you’re drunk and making Chinese food then what are you doing? Seriously, like what are you doing? You’re supposed to order it. Seriously, what’re you doing?
Also sidebar: I’m sorry for that photo. Kids born before ’90s, this is supposed to be a phone.”
“When you’re drunk you should eat bananas. Because bananas are full of potassium and other vital nutrients for rebuilding whatever damage you’ve done to your body that night. And also it might help you sleep. And also, I’m a doctor!”
My Drunk Kitchen is available now! The doctor says you should go buy it.
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