1. All Chuckie Finster really needed was a decent anxiety medication…and a haircut.
2. “Hey Arnold” obviously had an amazing trust fund. I mean, c’mon.
3. They were more responsible as teenagers than I will ever be at any point in my life.
4. You couldn’t even begin to comprehend how rich the Olsen Twins were getting…and neither could they.
6. Blowing and slamming used to mean troubleshooting your N64 game. Try saying “I blew 007” with a straight face.
7. The entitlement problem began with Disney Princesses. Look at the mirror, mirror on the wall Mom and Dad. You created a monster.
8. Your Dad wasn’t a wizard when he installed a game on the computer for you…but he let you think he was.
9. What kind of Catholic School was this and why wasn’t I sent to it?
10. Your friends were like “Saved By the Bell” with a side of “Intervention” and your family was like “Full House” with a side of “Wife Swap”.
11. Rocko worked as a phone sex operator.
“Remember: Be hot, be naughty, be courteous.” I’ll do my best.