Sex In Your Twenties Vs. Sex In Your Thirties

It’s pretty good in any decade but, you know, the quantity and the quality varies.

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In your twenties: Contraception is a major concern. He wears a condom *and* she’s on the pill. Sperm is the enemy.
In your thirties: You’re part of the pull-out generation.

In your twenties: You have body hang-ups.
In your thirties: Things are actually a little saggier and paunchier than they once were but you’re chill with that.

In your twenties: You wonder about anal. Are you into it? Or not? What about a finger up there?
In your thirties: Your policy on anal, whether you’re for or against, is locked down.

In your twenties: You’re still squeamish about period sex.
In your thirties: You’ve learned to relax about blood and bodily fluids.

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In your twenties: Your fantasies are for your alone time…
In your thirties: You share those fantasies.

In your twenties He wants to have sex more than her.
In your thirties: She wants to have sex more than him.

In your twenties: He says, “Is that good? Just here?”
In your thirties: She says, “Just there. God, that is GOOD!”

In your twenties: When you don’t have sex at home, you have sex in cars and in lifts. Well, once in a lift.
In your thirties: When you don’t have sex at home, you have sex in a really lovely bed-and-breakfast in Cornwall.

In your twenties: If you haven’t planned for it, a positive pregnancy test is terrifying.
In your thirties: If you haven’t planned for it, a negative pregnancy test is bittersweet.

In your twenties: She’s more concerned with keeping her body hair in check than he is with his.
In your thirties: She’s embraced the full bush, while he has started to become concerned about unruly hair. IT’S GROWING OUT OF HIS SHOULDERS.

In your twenties: You’re still figuring out what turns you on, and what gets you off.
In your thirties: You know exactly what needs to be done, from foreplay to conclusion.

In your twenties: You can still be shocked.
In your thirties: You’ve heard it all before.

In your twenties: You do things that don’t feel quite right with people who aren’t quite nice enough.
In your thirties: You’d rather take care of yourself than not be taken care of.

In your twenties: You have sex marathons — like, you go five times in one night.
In your thirties: Once a night, every couple of nights, is just fine.

In your twenties: You have sex in the shower and on the kitchen table.
In your thirties: You have sex in your bed.

In your twenties: You fall in love with your friend with benefits. And it’s heartbreaking.
In your thirties: You try to fall in love with your friend with benefits. But you just can’t muster it. And it’s heartbreaking.

In your twenties: You can’t quite believe that people far older than you, people you don’t consider to be attractive, have sex.
In your thirties: You know that everyone is doing it. Even people you would never do it with.

Crazy Stupid Love/ Warner Bros

In your twenties: Sex with someone you like is pretty much the nicest way to spend 25 minutes.
In your thirties: That one doesn’t change.

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