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Taylor Swift’s Ex Conor Kennedy Was Arrested

SHE KNEW HE WAS TROUBLE WHEN HE WALKED INNNNNNN.

Photo of the convict being arrested:

Ann Heisenfelt / AP

Once upon a time Taylor Swift had a fairy tale–inspired summer romance (complete with ’50s swimsuits and grand estates) with Conor Kennedy. Now it seems things have taken a dramatic turn for the worse as he was arrested like a freakin’ delinquent in D.C. on Wednesday. One could only imagine that the act of being sung about in 17 songs has brought on some serious emotional distress, and now he’s acting out by doing very, very bad things such as wearing khaki pants with those sneakers and reportedly stealing over 5,000 hot dogs from street vendors while shouting, “SHE DUMPED ME FOR HARRY BUT I KNOW WHERE I STAND.”

Wait…just one second…I’m getting a telegram that he was actually arrested in Washington D.C. for protesting outside the White House, and has never stolen a hot dog in his life. Dozens of others were also cuffed at the scene, including his dad, Robert F. Kennedy, and Daryl Hannah. They’ve all been freed.

His dad uploaded this photo of them handcuffing themselves to the White House gates:

Conclusion: Conor is barely any trouble, and the mystery of who that song is about continues.

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